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tonyv

August

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tonyv

Cities of oil and haze have given way
to a half-moon, set in a soapstone sky.
Sounds of the surf have brought to mind the miles
I measured; miles and maps are a moot point --

a year has passed. The stubborn stars will not
give up your secret. You were the ocean floor,
and I was the tsunami that rocked Sumatra!
You kiss, but do you tremble like before?
I will not watch! I only fly with NASA!

There is no snow in August. I am tired
of no snow, and of sleeplessness at sundown.
I am so bored with zombies and datura ...

When your cock crows at midnight, my time, breathe.
Sleep and be still in the fickle deep of our dream.


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Larsen M. Callirhoe

this was different tony. i like the energy and tone of the poem. the thoughts you penned down mixed well with the imagery you painted with your words.

 

the imagery was excellent in the first stanza.

 

your thought in the second stanza work well to tie together he imageries of the firsy and third stanza.

 

the third stanza is my favorite in this poem..im impressed. i wish i thought like that. it really works well to set the whole tone of the poem.

 

 

 

i give this poem a 5 star rating. 0-5 0 being the worse.

 

victor

 

p.s. good to see you posting a new poem. i am out of my writer's block. i still have three poems im waiting to post but i have post so many poems in the last 10 days on the poetry forums i participate on. talk soon my friend.


Larsen M. Callirhoe

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Aleksandra

Wow Tony my dear. What I can say here now?...

 

This is delightfully splendid.

 

This poem has a lot of quality - poetic quality. This one is one of those sensitive poems which can be destroyed in one second by adding or removing some written word. Hard written poem, and every word in this poem has its own and right place. You wrote this so carefully, and you seem to have paid a lot of attention in order to write like this and to make your poem look and sound like it does.

 

As I said, it's a sensitive sort of poem, and why ? Because I can see here a dangerous mix of senses, expressions. You write here in many styles and you present the past, present and the future.

 

Here I can see are used some very modern words / expressions but modest also. You are talking and involving NASA as a part of this poem, but also you are using expressions like cock crows at midnight

 

Tony ah you see I can't even express what I feel about this poem icon_biggrin.png.

I love this part:

 

The stubborn stars will not

give up your secret -- you were the ocean floor,

and I was the tsunami that rocked Sumatra! --

you kiss, but do you tremble like before?

I will not watch! I only fly with NASA!

the bold lines are a perfect expression, perfect metaphor, perfect sound and feeling, original . - I admire how you remembered to write such authentic expressions.

 

Ah before to go on to the other part which I adore, let me say that I loved how you expressed the moot point.

 

This part here, gives another view of this poem :

 

There is no snow in August. I am tired

of no snow, and of sleeplessness at sundown;

I am so bored with zombies and datura ...

It gives some emotionality but angrines also, and shows that the present time mixed and depended on the past.

 

 

When your cock crows at midnight, my time, breathe ...

Sleep, and be still, in the fickle deep of our dream.

 

The ending part hits. So poetical, so traditional, so old, not written "rule" for poetry. It gives a sense of existence, like a life tree.

 

Tony, this poem has such good tact, it's very tactful. It has rhythm -- a very special rhythm. You can read this poem from each side and still have the power and sense. Go ahead and check it. Each part separately. You will see what I am talking about. And all together it makes a special composition of mixes and senses. A lot of poets can't dare to try to write something like this.

 

Really I am amazed, I am very impressed. I am not sure if I said everything that I have on my mind provoked by this poem.

There are not enough words to express my thoughts about this poem.

 

Tony I am proud of you.

 

When you are not writing poems, you are not. But when you write wow, you are doing in the best way. So professional. I was never so careful with my poetry like you are. Keep writing such a wonderful work.

 

Thank you a lot for writing this.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Bloodyday

hI ToNy

 

aT fIrsT i ThOugHt tHat ThE pOeM Is fOr urBAN MooDe bUt iT becomes for both side!

 

Tsunami and sumatra comparison worked well also with the morning starts with cock's siren!

 

scientific, country side thoughts all are mingled in different stanzas made this poem to have a journey in landside apathy!

 

that's why you are TOnyV

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tonyv

Thank you, Victor, for your kind and thoughtful review. I'm glad you like the third stanza -- I like that one, too. And yes, having posted this poem, I can't say that I'm completely blocked, but it's still slow going for me. The generous star3.pngstar3.pngstar3.pngstar3.pngstar3.png rating made me smile.

 

With appreciation,

 

Tony icon_smile.gif


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tonyv

Alek, thank you for the lovely, detailed review. You have examined the significant elements of the poem and touched upon all the aspects I had hoped would be notable -- from content to form. You caught (in bold) the key metaphor of the poem and the mix of old and new. You also detected the underlying rhythm.

 

I am always impressed (in general) with your astute observations when it comes to art, and I am pleased that this poem has received this much of your attention. I am also happy that you made your kind comments only upon the merits of the poem icon_cool.gif, and not just because I am ...

 

Yours,

 

Tony icon_biggrin.png


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tonyv

Bloodyday, thank you for your enthusiastic comments! I try to start a landslide with every poem -- sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't -- and I'm pleased with the havoc that this one has wreaked! I enjoy your participation on this board.

 

Tony icon_smile.gif


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Aleksandra
tonyv wrote:

 

 

I am also happy that you made your kind comments only upon the merits of the poem icon_cool.gif, and not just because I am ...

 

Yours,

 

Tony icon_biggrin.png

 

How gently you sound Tony icon_biggrin.png

 

Of course I made a good comment, because this time the poem deserved that icon_biggrin.png. I can remember that few poems of yours deserved my good and detailed comments icon_biggrin.png

 

Ah Tony, I hope you will accept this like it is, a joke. You know that most of your poems I love. Maybe 99 % icon_biggrin.png, I am telling you which I don't really like, I mean I like those too, but my ears doesn't accept them icon_biggrin.png

 

And come on I wait a new poem from you icon_wink.gif

 

Have a nice day Tony.

 

Aleksandra icon_smile.gif


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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pawn shop

Cool stuff.......it's a poem you just have to read slow.........and kinda smile at....

oh yeah, talking about storms...."Hurricane Hannah" is on it's way tonight....

I'm putting on my old faded blue jeans and that's it and going out in it !!

People think a nuclear bomb wis about to go off....stores crowded....people buying food and flashlights...

people worried about losing electricity....or their basement might flood....newscasters scaring the tv watchers....

I dare you to go out in it tonight too Tony !! But be careful of the lightning icon_pirat.png

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tonyv

Hey Jonathan,

 

Thank you for your kind reply on this poem -- glad you liked it. icon_smile.gif

 

As for the "hurricane," I'm sure it will be a non-event. I wasn't even aware we were going to have anything other than wind and heavy rain. I'm out for some lunch now, and then to the grocery store ... not because of the coming inclement weather, but because there's no food in the fridge, in either case. icon_smile.gif Talk about unprepared! If Y3K hits all over again, I'll probably be stuck eating my ammo. icon_lol.gif

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

This poem sort of gets under the skin. As usual your feel for the urban, of time passing, the sense of distance comes through, but for me the restlessness, discontent is even more evident.

 

badge icon_biggrin.png

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tonyv

Thank you, Badge! These concepts that continually manifest themselves in my attempts at verse do seem to be near and dear to my heart. Not sure if that's good or bad yet ...

 

Tony icon_smile.gif


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pawn shop

This poem is a month old....and still at the top of 'the heap' !

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tonyv
This poem is a month old....and still at the top of 'the heap' !

 

Thanks for the BUMP, Pawnshop!

 

Tony icon_cool.gif


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pawn shop

I love the title....but lets face it TONY....October is here....

in all it's rainy glory....Autumn......August is neon-years ago icon_eek.gif

unless your Vivaldi....4 seasons.....

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tonyv
pawn shop wrote:

 

I love the title....but lets face it TONY....October is here....

in all it's rainy glory....Autumn......August is neon-years ago icon_eek.gif

Ok, ok ... I'll write one called "October"! icon_rolleyes.gif


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pawn shop

Go out tonight....tell me about it....do it for Pawn-Shop.....last Saturday of September....

call the poem ' my foliage you cause ' !!

I'm drinking pumpkin beer right now......SHIPYARD.....

the label is pretty wild looking....delicious !!

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tonyv
pawn shop wrote:

 

I'm drinking pumpkin beer right now......SHIPYARD.....

the label is pretty wild looking....delicious !!

Enjoy! icon_smile.gif


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Lake

Tony,

 

All is said. I can't say I know exactly what's in the poem, but I can feel the author's thoughts flow, a multi-layered poem, I would say. The sound of the poem stands out, especially the alliteration - s, h, m, in S1. I almost take it as a variation of sonnet.

 

Great read. Thanks,

 

Lake

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tonyv

Thanks, Lake! I'm glad the alliteration is effective. When composing this one, I did intend to write some form of "contemporary sonnet."

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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