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badger11

Sonnet challenge

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badger11

1. 14 lines to be written!

 

 

I'll begin and hopefully others will add (if not I'll write another line in a few days)

 

 

Line1

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

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tonyv

Great idea, Badge. :D I tried hard last night to come up with a line but couldn't. I'll post one tonight no matter what!


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tonyv

Well, here's L1 followed by L2 which I came up with last night but was reluctant to post for its reliance on adjectives. But okay, it's really what I wanted to say, and perhaps this is a first draft?

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

:biggrin: definitely a first draft - hopefully others will join in!

 

L3:

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness;
at nightfall wolves gathered at her call

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tonyv

Here's L4:

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath the vault decked out in evening dress.

 

 

(I tweaked L3 for the IP -- hope that's okay ... ) :blush:

hmmm ... or perhaps "adorned in evening dress" ...

What do you think?


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

 

(I tweaked L3 for the IP -- hope that's okay ... ) :blush:

hmmm ... or perhaps "adorned in evening dress" ...

What do you think?

 

Sure, there may be a few more future tweaks :smile: No preference on adorned or decked out: one is elevated, one is grounded.

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tonyv

 

 

(I tweaked L3 for the IP -- hope that's okay ... ) :blush:

hmmm ... or perhaps "adorned in evening dress" ...

What do you think?

 

Sure, there may be a few more future tweaks :smile: No preference on adorned or decked out: one is elevated, one is grounded.

 

 

Well, in that case let's go elevated:

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness

by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

 

 

I also changed "the" in L4 to "a." :wink:


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

L5

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes

 

 

 

I've dropped in a comma after L2, a semi-colon or full-stop could be other options?

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tonyv

I've dropped in a comma after L2, a semi-colon or full-stop could be other options?

 

It's one sentence. I don't know for sure whether a comma is called for, but I would venture to guess, if anything, at most a comma is in order.

 

 

L6:

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,

by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes

as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.

 

 

 

I'm going to suggest we finish out the second quatrain line for line as we have been, that we each do two consecutive lines in the third quatrain, and that we each do a line in the couplet. You take L7, I'll take L8, you take L9 & L10, I'll take L11 & L12, and then we each take one in the couplet. How's that sound?


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

 

I've dropped in a comma after L2, a semi-colon or full-stop could be other options?

 

It's one sentence. I don't know for sure whether a comma is called for, but I would venture to guess, if anything, at most a comma is in order.

 

 

L6:

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,

by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes

as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.

 

 

 

I'm going to suggest we finish out the second quatrain line for line as we have been, that we each do two consecutive lines in the third quatrain, and that we each do a line in the couplet. You take L7, I'll take L8, you take L9 & L10, I'll take L11 & L12, and then we each take one in the couplet. How's that sound?

 

 

 

Ok Tony. Unless, of course, others want to participate. I'm walking in West Wales for the next eight days, but will resume again on my return!

 

best

 

badge

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badger11

L7

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes
as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt

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David W. Parsley

L8

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes
as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt

in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced

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badger11

Another sonneteer :0) Well done David. Tony? Would you like to start the 'turn'?

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badger11

Or should I? :smile:

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tonyv

Or should I? :smile:

 

 

Badge, thank you very much for offering it to me. I can't see myself getting to it till the end of the week anyways, and there's no need the poem or anyone should wait, so please ... By all means, carry on.

 

Tony :blush:

 

PS -- I loved Dave's line also. :smile:


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

L9-L10

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes
as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt

in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.

I turn to ask my Gran for another page,
but hursite hands now grasp the manuscript.

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Tinker

Can I play? L11

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,

by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes

as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.

Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt

in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.

I turn to ask my Gran for another page,

but hirsute hands now grasp the manuscript.

My eyes averted, too afraid to engage


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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badger11

Excellent Tink. The tension building...L12 anyone? :smile:

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badger11

Tink? Dave? Tony? Marti? Barry? :smile:

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tonyv

Excellent Tink. The tension building...L12 anyone? :smile:

 

Tink? Dave? Tony? Marti? Barry? :smile:

 

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall

to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,

by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call

beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.

A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes

as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.

Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt

in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.

I turn to ask my Gran for another page,

but hirsute hands now grasp the manuscript.

My eyes averted, too afraid to engage

a mind that has slipped -- nor is my soul equipped


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

Great Tony. The ending of the PMO sonnet...

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tonyv

Great Tony. The ending of the PMO sonnet...

 

Take it, Badge ... Give us the couplet! :excl::-8)


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

:laugh: ...I'll leave it for a couple of days...I'm hopeful inspiration for the couplet will come to others...perhaps a sharing of the final lines

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dcmarti1

Some alliteration and near rhyme. The best I can do for now.

 

That day she chose to ride beyond the wall
to the dark edge of the vast wilderness,
by nightfall wolves had gathered at her call
beneath a vault adorned in evening dress.
A great gray owl swoops low over the steppes
as a black he-goat takes the lead in dance.
Into blue flames the moon-racked pack all leapt
in pan flute augury, now lithe, now stanced.
I turn to ask my Gran for another page,
but hirsute hands now grasp the manuscript.
My eyes averted, too afraid to engage

a mind that has slipped -- nor is my soul equipped

 

To face the fate mere words, in vain, encrypt.

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dcmarti1

Do our words mean what we say? Is there more truth in our silence? History IS a lie if it is truly "written" by the winners. 2016 elections (the lies, the vulgarity, the "stoopidity", the slanders) and Michel Foucault (with some Zinn and Camus) have me not wanting to wake up. No worry, as I always say, "I am too inherently lazy to be self destructive, and too cheap to become an addict."

 

RIP, Frank.

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