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goldenlangur

first light

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goldenlangur

first light -

sleep still holds

I see your face clearly

I turn to catch your smile

and remember you’ve died

 

 

goldenlangur


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Aleksandra

Wow goldenlangur. This is so sad poem. Short but strong. The sadness what captures around flows like into the river. The love in this poem is so deep what makes to not recognize even the death.

You use here something similar as in the poem ( one of my favorites of yours ) " Before I forget " where you use some contrasts to the same thing. There you say: " before I forget you've die " and here you are remembering on that: " and remember you've died " . Even you can use all of that as one poem including both parts. Ah me and my crazy ideas icon_idea.png . But look how wonderful would be sound and the title can be.... hmmm.... You've die ? Ok here it is:

 

 

dreams -

under your avocado tree

you and I sit

before I forget you’ve died

will you talk to me?

 

first light -

sleep still holds

I see your face clearly

I turn to catch your smile

and remember you’ve died

 

 

 

To me sounds nice. But sure this is my way of catching and understanding of things. I just loved the both poems. This one so much too.

 

Thank you for sharing and for the good write.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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goldenlangur

Hello Aleksandra,

 

Thank you very much for the trouble you've taken to link the two tanka into one, held together by the common theme of death. I think it works very well in the chain you've suggested, although I might have to tweak a few words for the link between the two to flow better.

 

But I'm very grateful for your perceptive reading and the wonderful suggestion.

 

 

 

With appreciation,

 

 

goldenlangur


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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pawn shop

Powerful. Strong. Noble. Emotional. Super concise.

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JoelJosol

A very good snapshot of the grieving process, GL.


"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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Aleksandra

goldenlangur wrote:

although I might have to tweak a few words for the link between the two to flow better.

 

Yes that I was thinking too. It would be nice.I am glad you like it the idea. But anyway, this looks and sounds perfect like this too. Just I was so inspired by your poems and I got idea like that .

 

Thank you my friend

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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tonyv

I got chills when I read this one, Golden. First light is such a beautiful image; I was expecting something pleasant and ended up with something somber instead. Very effective.

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Tinker

Hi gl, This is a lovely poem, poignant. I have to admit I missed the exotic image, the symbol at core of the poem, like the cooing pigeons or the avacado tree. An element I have come to admire and expect from your writing. The surprise that sets you apart from all others.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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goldenlangur

Thank you pawn shop for your generous appraisal.

 

 

With appreciation,

 

 

goldenlangur


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

You've put your finger on it JoelJosol:

 

 

JoelJosol wrote:

 

...the grieving process, ....

 

 

 

 

Thank you very much,

 

goldenlangur


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

Hi again Aleksandra,

 

I appreciate your encouragement and the empathy and perception with which you read. I might try and work out a tanka chain of similarly themed pieces.

 

 

Thank you very much,

 

 

goldenlangur

 

icon_smile.gif


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

Hi Tony,

 

I'm grateful that the turn in the image in the second half of the tanka came through for you. I'm so glad that "first light" struck you.

 

 

Thank you very much,

 

goldenlangur


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

Hi Tink,

 

How well you remember the images in the other poems! I'm very grateful that despite the lack of an exotic image in this tanka, that you found it works.

 

I appreciate your very generous support for my writing efforts.

 

Thank you very much,

 

goldenlangur


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Tinker

Hi gl, I remember because your lines stand out, your images leave a mark on your reader. You use your voice and the reader listens. Line up a group of poems written by several poets without identifying who wrote them, stick one of yours somewhere in the mix also without your name on it and I would bet that everyone of us here could pick out the poem you wrote and identify it as yours. You are a very gifted writer.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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goldenlangur

Hi again Tink,

 

How incredibly generous you are in your encouragement and support! As you know so much about prosody and write many a fine verse in the numerous forms you've researched so well, I shall take this as a big compliment.

 

With gratitude,

 

goldenlangur


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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