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Poetry Magnum Opus

[PG: referential remark] Siblings


dcmarti1

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The oldest invents,
the youngest forgets.
Their parents were grocers.
Their children had no children.

The brother invents,
the sister forgets.
His daughter stood at Inns of Court,
while Her son knelt in Holes of Glory.

My uncle invents,
my mother forgets.
My cousin lives where I once dwelt,
while I'm back to where we both fled.

The cardinals return to their feeders.

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hi marti

At first, I read a poem about retention/loss/distortion of memories. The fleeing from and returning to part of most lives.The repetitions, the cycle of invents/forgets, and that last line, led me to think of the structures of family and institutional abuse/traps. Perhaps that last reading is distorted by the latest revelations and the fact I don't understand the use of feeders.

best

Phil

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8 hours ago, badger11 said:

hi marti

At first, I read a poem about retention/loss/distortion of memories. The fleeing from and returning to part of most lives.The repetitions, the cycle of invents/forgets, and that last line, led me to think of the structures of family and institutional abuse/traps. Perhaps that last reading is distorted by the latest revelations and the fact I don't understand the use of feeders.

best

Phil

Actual bird feeders. Despite the family past and present, cycle of life will continue around them them and without them.

Good point, I might need to change the last line to something like:

The cardinals return to feast on seed.  OR

The cardinals still return to feed.

Preference?

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Marti, this poem mangles the brain at first , then it all falls into place.  The story of family, a particular family and the genetic development and potential end of the line. The story isn’t over.  I actually got the last line and see no need for change. If you feel the need to change, my preference would be the second.  The first seems celebratory and that is not the vibe I get from the body of the poem.

i love the frame you used, it is what allows the reader too put it all together.  

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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I don't know why I didn't think of the bird feeder, the device. I, too, like the original. "Seed" is a great word with subtle connotations, but as much as I would love to see it used in this poem, my vote is for the original. To me, "feeder" is 40% bird feeder and 60% "one who feeds." I love the poem.

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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23 minutes ago, tonyv said:

I don't know why I didn't think of the bird feeder, the device. I, too, like the original. "Seed" is a great word with subtle connotations, but as much as I would love to see it used in this poem, my vote is for the original. To me, "feeder" is 40% bird feeder and 60% "one who feeds." I love the poem.

Tony

Ah, "one who feeds". Now, see, I am so materialistic I just meant the feeder device. You, sir, found a whole new dimension to my subconscious. :)

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50 minutes ago, Tinker said:

Marti, this poem mangles the brain at first , then it all falls into place.  The story of family, a particular family and the genetic development and potential end of the line. The story isn’t over.  I actually got the last line and see no need for change. If you feel the need to change, my preference would be the second.  The first seems celebratory and that is not the vibe I get from the body of the poem.

i love the frame you used, it is what allows the reader too put it all together.  

 

~~Tink


Marti Mangler. I like that. :)

You're right that the celebratory tone would clash. Thank you.

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2 hours ago, badger11 said:

My ignorance Marti. I didn't know cardinals were birds. I do like the form.

cheers

Phil

Here is a nice one with a cardinal:

IMG-6139.jpg

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