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JoelJosol

Starboard

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JoelJosol

---- optimized version ----

Tonight I chance upon,

dipping my eyes on this starry night,

your star's glow just above the horizon

of this plain heart.

 

You fell from this orbit,

my love's weight denting space

where you spin. I studied you with maps,

to predict your journey across my sky

 

while sleep agreed to let me be

intoxicated by your sight.

Your reflection starboard side,

made me grip the railings

 

lest I fall,

into love's unmeasured depths.

 

 

--- non-optimized version ---

How many evenings can I chance upon

for me to dip my eyes on this starry night,

to catch one star's glow not far from North,

just above the horizon of my plain heart?

 

For that is how you fell into this orbit,

my love's weight denting the space

for you to spin into. I studied you with maps,

to predict your journey across my sky

 

while sleep agreed to let me be

intoxicated by your sight.

Your reflection on the still waters,

starboard side, made me grip the railings

 

lest I fall,

into love's unmeasured depths.


"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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tonyv

Lyrical and lovely, Joel. I especially like how

... sleep agreed to let me be

intoxicated by your sight.

The title -- how you derive it from the poem -- is perfect.


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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JoelJosol

Thank you, Tony. You are the second reader that picked that line.


"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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Aleksandra

Amazing lyrical piece by you, Joel. Sounds as a song the first two stanzas.

 

How many evenings

can I chance upon

for me to dip my eyes

on this starry night,

 

to catch one star's glow

not far from North,

just above the horizon

of my plain heart?

 

I especially love the stanza where are expressed the unreserved feelings:

and of course the lines which Tony quoted:

 

I studied you with maps,

to predict your journey across my sky,

while sleep agreed to let me be

intoxicated by your sight.

 

Wonderful write.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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tilsover

Joel,

 

This poem takes me to a warm and romantic place that I'm far away from, now. And I have to concur, "sleep agreed to let me be" is a sweet, sweet phrase. Nice.

 

--tilsover

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JoelJosol

Thank you, Alek and tilsover.

 

I decided to convert this poem to a sonnet.


"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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dr_con

Astonishing, wondrous, very lyrical, deeply universal, and just plain hard to do successfully, capturing the intensity of universal 'love' with such a powerful image.

 

Color me impressed.

 

DC


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

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JoelJosol

Thanks, DrC.

 

I came out with an optimized version.


"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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douglas

i love your optimized version! i love this poem, the universal theme, the romance, the dream, the emotions conveyed - gorgeous! icon_sunny.png


To receive love, you have to give it...

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JoelJosol

Thanks, douglas!


"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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