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Tsunami

Mother, Oh Mother

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Tsunami

I’ve been wondering about you woman

In the strangeness of things what are you doing.

Mother, I think of you in the night, when you are alone

And you think I am going to turn off my head.

No! I will not, you are mistaken if I even write about you

And you know about the time I punched you in the face.

You don’t ever recall the time I even had you for size

I could eat your flesh and I’d still be called a zombie.

Yet I wonder what you are doing now

And how I can even see you in the limelight.

I wonder if you are listening to me

At any rate I just hope you are listening to my cries.

Wonder that I will always be there with you

But mother are you alright? No, you will never will be.

And I wonder if shoes connect, yours definitively won’t do

I wonder if you are still in the mood to go undercover.

And you will see just how operative you really are

I think you are even scarier in disguise than in person.

But I wonder if you are there listening to me

And that is all that matters.

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tonyv

Often when I read a poem from one of our members, I'm taken, and the poem will make think of other art (a poem, music, a certain sculpture, etc.) that I love. In cases like that, I'll often, cautiously, make reference to the art in my replies here. This is one of those poems. How the speaker addresses "Mother" in this poem makes me think of how Eminem handles the concept of his mother in much of his work and to some degree reminds me of Danzig's hit "Mother." It's meant as a compliment. 

Your poem. There's anger, aggression, separation, distance, and some kind of expressed desire for reconciliation (probably not gonna happen). From the get-go, the speaker sets a distance. He refers to her as "woman." He says she "knows about the time" he punched her in the face. Again, distance.

Others see the speaker as a zombie, but he's not a ghoul. No zombie or ghoul wonders about the whereabouts of another, least of all his mother's, yet he sees her "in the limelight." That brings me to a most intriguing part of the poem: it's unclear whether he, she, or both are "in the limelight." I don't want to know; I want to continue to see it the way I see it in my head.

There's anger, aggression, and even fear. But there is also defiance, sadness, a hopeless desire for reconciliation, and, ultimately, acceptance. I love it.

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Tsunami

Thanks Tony for your detailed critique I appreciate what you have to say.

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Tsunami

I have a question for you though: is there anything that needs fixing, any stanza issues?

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dr_con

Not one to fix, but in terms of impact: Powerful, raw, humbling -- A David Mamet aside, a lynchian complaint -- It invoked, for me, the world of great theater or rather cinema, straight out of Sam Shepherd and into a beautifully written piece.

DC&J


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

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Tinker

Tsunami,   I read this poem several times before I felt I could respond.

The poem begins with wondering about the "woman"   

21 hours ago, Tsunami said:

In the strangeness of things what are you doing.

Grammatically , this should end in a question mark, not a period.  Or is the narrator really asking or basically saying he/she doesn't care?  In that case a period could be in order.
 

21 hours ago, Tsunami said:

and you know about the time I punched you in the face.

I have to say, this was a shocking line to me.  Who would do that and how bad a mother could she be to incite such a reaction?  Wow, real anger issues here.   Then admittedly I didn't get the eating flesh, zombie reference but chalk it up to my being more shocked about someone punching his/her mother in the face.  

 

18 hours ago, Tsunami said:

is there anything that needs fixing, any stanza issues?

Punctuation as suggested above could use a fix.  There are no stanzas in this poem, only lines without strophic break. 

 

21 hours ago, Tsunami said:

And how I can even see you in the limelight.

You change from focus on her at this line, then switch to asking to be listened to and putting the attention on the narrator with the next couple of lines. If you wanted to take a strophic break here, I think it would be helpful to the reader. 

21 hours ago, Tsunami said:

Wonder that I will always be there with you

Then there is another switch back to focusing on her after this line so another strophic break could help compartmentalize the thought process.

These are just my opinions, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

I can't say I enjoyed this poem.  

~~Tink 


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Tsunami
8 hours ago, Tinker said:

Tsunami,   I read this poem several times before I felt I could respond.

The poem begins with wondering about the "woman"   

Grammatically , this should end in a question mark, not a period.  Or is the narrator really asking or basically saying he/she doesn't care?  In that case a period could be in order.
 

I have to say, this was a shocking line to me.  Who would do that and how bad a mother could she be to incite such a reaction?  Wow, real anger issues here.   Then admittedly I didn't get the eating flesh, zombie reference but chalk it up to my being more shocked about someone punching his/her mother in the face.  

 

Punctuation as suggested above could use a fix.  There are no stanzas in this poem, only lines without strophic break. 

 

You change from focus on her at this line, then switch to asking to be listened to and putting the attention on the narrator with the next couple of lines. If you wanted to take a strophic break here, I think it would be helpful to the reader. 

Then there is another switch back to focusing on her after this line so another strophic break could help compartmentalize the thought process.

These are just my opinions, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.

I can't say I enjoyed this poem.  

~~Tink 

Thanks Tinker and by the way I meant lines not stanza sorry.

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