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badger11

revision

Outside the stoop of clouds brood
a hunchbacked cumulus.
Slowly drying she switches on
another blink of electric light
and mumbles along the margins
tying curtains that thread
to rituals of waking with tea
and toast and thick cut marmalade.
Repeating and rehearsing and repeating
will map the muddle of intentions
like the choreography of prayer
muttered by the barrelman
as the mist clears from the coast.
Purpose is cartography
but she swims with mermaids,
the dreams in waves will linger
long after the breakfast hour.

 

original

Slowly drying she switches on
another blink of electric light
and mumbles along the margins
tying curtains that thread
to rituals of waking with tea
and toast and thick cut marmalade.
Repeating and rehearsing and repeating
will map the muddle
like the choreography of prayer
muttered by the barrelman
as the mist cleared from the coast.
Purpose is cartography
but she swims with mermaids,
the brine of waves will linger
long after the breakfast hour.
She knows the stoop of sky
broods a hunchbacked cumulus.

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tonyv

Phil, gonna try here. From the title, I gather that it's after midnight, in the early morning hours. She is "drying." Perhaps she has bathed. She is trying to get through the night and is engaged in something repetitve, perhaps even something pleasurable. I don't think it's a Rosary prayer or a religious rite, because it is "like" the "choreography" of the barrelman's prayers. And cartography is work, routine, a "purpose" that maybe she should be focusing on, but instead she is fraternizing with mermaids, mythical creatures. From the last two lines I'm unsure whether the lingering effect of the waves is a good or bad thing. I want to conclude good, but the cumulus cloud could lead to more ominous ones ...

Tony 


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

Thank you Tony. Very much appreciate your reading, which threaded with my intentions, though I've edited to end with the life inside rather than outside. The routines of the workplace does have its comforts, but the life of adventure is always tempting😀

 

all the best

Phil

 

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Tinker

Hi Badge,  I've read this several times, I always like to savor your work.  It seems so effortless to me.  I loved the way you elevate the morning ritual into something almost magical. Actually, reading this, I felt the ritual was a grounding for someone who may be is loosing her footing.  Maybe early stage Altzheimer or just distracted and in need of connection to reality or simply someone who takes a long time to wake fully.     It was just the impression I got from the switch from the ritual to swimming with mermaids.

I can't explain why but I think the revision, putting the last two line at the beginning of the poem, gives more focus to the subject of the poem and ends the poem perfectly.  Smart switch.

I now have to tend to my own morning ritual and off to the office.  Rereading this was a lovely way to begin my day.  Thank you for another beautiful piece to ponder.

~~Judi


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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dr_con

Just wow -- Just wow, listening to a weird studies episode on Sun Ra, and the theory of correspondences and here the implicit meaning is making the ordinary exactly the extra via the correspondances;-)

On 11/18/2019 at 1:21 AM, badger11 said:

will map the muddle
like the choreography of prayer

wow just wow.

 

TY

 


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

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badger11
Quote


I now have to tend to my own morning ritual and off to the office.  Rereading this was a lovely way to begin my day.

Thank you very much Tink. That was lovely to read. And thank you for the thumbs up on the revision..

all the best

Phil

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badger11

Cheers J. Great to connect!

all the best

Phil

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