rhymeguy Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Hello everyone. I am new here but not new to some of you. If you have read this on other forums please forgive my redundancy. I just wanted to get started herein and my pen is a inkless at the moment. rg Once upon a time a young man set to rhyme, and thus to speak his heart, with pen and paper start his sadness to express. His lonely heart did bleed from his feathered reed. His bloody quill scribed red as the tears he shed fell upon the page. Once laying bear his soul upon the ancient scroll, with nothing left to give; no reason left to live; He took the gun in hand. With sure and steady grip placed the steel between his lips. Without courage; without fear; He cried his final tear; Then slowly pulled the trigger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Welcome, Rhymeguy. It's nice to see you! I enjoyed this hit of the macabre, especially the last verse, specifically this line: Without courage; without fear ... He had neither courage nor fear; he simply acted ... like an automaton! This makes it believable. A gun seems like it would be a sure-fire way to go (pun intended :lol:), but I have read of people failing when using that method. I, myself, would probably opt to step in front of a train -- no chance for error there. The outcome: deadsies. I'm excited that you're here. Tony PS -- I do understand how it is when a pen runs out of ink. It happens to me all the time. At that point, there's nothing left to do but ink it up! Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Don't do it - be a stranger I mean. Please excuse flippancy. I am too close to two many cases to engage. Too sad, but welcome to Alex's and Tony's urbane forum, just had to say a friendly hi rg. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tilsover Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 The subject may be a quiet horror, but the rhyme and rhythm is something I much enjoy. - and I wouldn't worry about cross posting. I think my best was posted elsewhere and have considered bringing it here. --tilsover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Rhymeguy I am glad to read you again. It's nice to have you here again with us. And don't worry about the inkless pen :). I am in same situation, haven't written anything recently , so it's ok to read something old too. I like this poem, sounds so nice with the rhyme. Thank you for sharing and please do some more. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Welcome, rhymeguy. Is this a traditional form with AABBC rhyme scheme? Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhymeguy Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 Hello and thanks to all who read and commented on my poem. I must say that it is so nice to be back here with you all. The old site was my first real poetry home. I am sorry that I have been so long without responding to your kind words. I have been out of town visiting my daughter and her family. Tony- Thanks for the encouraging words regarding my inkless pen. The older I get the worse it gets. Frank- I too have been personally exposed to the saddness of this kind of loss. Thanks for the warm welcome. Tilsover- I am so pleased that you enjoyed the rhyme and rhythm. I have tried to write free verse but I just fail and my old fashioned rhyming is not always appreciated in todays world of verse, but it is all I have to offer. So I am always happy for someone to share it with. Aleksandra- You are always too kind but I always enjoy kindness. It is good to be back here with so many wonderful poets. I shall be as active as possible. Joel-I know so little about form and rules. I just write stuff. However, AABBC looks like it might be disciptive of this form. Time is so limited that if I have to choose between writing and studing about writing- well, writing wins every time. Again, thank you, thank you, thank you!! rg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Hi rhyme guy, I thought I read all of your stuff over at PC but don't remember this one. I like it. Your rhymed couplets are enriched by the added unrhymed line that completes your quintains. Sorry, I couldn't resist using the language of poetic studies... you and I have been here before, someday I will win you over. In my view, reading and study inspire writing. Since you mentioned with the poem your pen is temporarily dry you might give study a little try. I have a verse form perfectly suited to your talents, the Margeda written with head and tail rhyme. Check it out, it might spark a new poem. ~~Tink ps..To Joel: As far as I know, the frame of rhyme guy's poem does not match any "traditional recognized verse form". This is what would come under the heading of a "nonce" form, when a poem is written with a reoccurring pattern or frame created specifically for this individual poem. Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 With sure and steady grip placed the steel between his lips. Without courage; without fear; He cried his final tear; Then slowly pulled the trigger. i utter nothing, but the solid expression you depict! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhymeguy Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 Tinker- as always I appreciate when you read and when you comment. I am so glad that you liked this poem. I have printed the posting "Margeda". I will give this a shot. As you pointed out: I might as well since I am not writing anything new anyway. I first have to look up some of the words . I will shoot you a message when I get this done and ask for a review. Bloodyday- How nice of you to read and comment. The strength of your comment was most inspiring. Please share your thoughts with me in the future. Many thanks to both of you, rg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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