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Three Fingers and a Thumb

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bob

Three Fingers and a Thumb

In a flawed world of Did and Did Not
Where blame of plenty is found
There are critics with a You Did It Finge
In abundance to go around

It’s my decision to bespeak this
Would critics falter or linger  
To place vast blame on others
If man had no Pointer Finger


Robert G. Jerore
 3/22/2018
 

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A. Baez

What an interesting concept! I like it--pointing the blame at the pointer finger! 👈 😁

I could make a few minor suggestions on this, if you open to it; let me know.

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bob

A. Baez

I do not mind critiquing by any means, I think I wrote it as I thought it, however you have my permission to use the same title; Three Fingers and a Thumb, and submit your  own version. As I have  determined in my life time...no two people think alike. Look forward to see what you have in mind.

R. G. Jerore

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dr_con

Just plain fun! An enjoyable romp. TY!


"Everything is trying to Prove the Perfection of its own Perception" Dr. Concrescence's The Law of EPPP

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A. Baez

Hi Bob, so sorry that for some reason I did not see the notification for your reply--I just found it yesterday after checking out the notification for dr_con's. While I was thinking of simply noting a few potentially tweakable areas in your poem, since you've invited me to present these thoughts in poetic form, I've tried. By the way, your title is cute!

 

Three Fingers and a Thumb

 

In a flawed world of "did" and "did not"

With plenty of blame to go round,

The critics with "you did it" fingers

Are equally easily found.

 

This points to a curious thought:

Would critics falter or linger

In silence before blaming others

If man had no pointer finger?

 

 

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bob

Hi A. Baez

Thanks for the return critique. Just for the fun of it. Lets say I am going to analyze my poem. Analyzing sometimes takes the fun and pleasure out f writing. None-the-less I’ll give it a go. It does however give pause to thought, “did I really say what I was thinking?” 

Self critiquing is very important, and in the case of your critique, I will add this; “No matter how many persons read a poem or written statement, there is a great possibility each person may see the total picture quite differently than someone else. That was a general consensus of how our radio programs were interpreted, when we, as children had to imagine happenings or locations mentioned in our thriller programs. Many of us could create a different picture in our minds during the story.

First line: When we speak/write of our nine worlds (Pronoun)in this solar system, (naming the planets with capitol lettered names.) So be it in my poem...A flawed, world of Did and Did Not. Remember this is purely a hypothetical world/planet in my mind.

Second line: Clinches the fact... I am referring to a major fault of that planet's/world's, population, which is criticizing others.

Third line: Supposedly, my knowing there is such a world, my assumption is...there are critics with a You Did it Finger (Capitalized), and not a Pointer, Middle Finger, Ring Finger, Little Finger, and Thumb.

Fourth line: True, as you state ”easily found”. not “equally”...I say this only because of an “abundance” of that  physical trait, but not a trait of all of its populace.

Fifth line: Referring to the Sixth line:  "I’ve got to ask this question".

Sixth line: “WOULD” critics (of that planet) hesitate to criticize?

Seventh line: To blame anyone for wrong doing?

Eight line: Assuming their species (not man) has no Pointer Finger, as we relate to one of ours? I should have stated "THEY" had no Pointer Finger...not Man.

***********************************************

Well? What do you think "A" did we tear it apart well enough? Thanks for the return comments. I enjoyed it. We just have to reconsider one thing..."the same story read by different persons can be interpreted quite differently.  Sometimes changing a word, phrase or sentence, can change an entire thought process of what the writer was attempting to portray." 

Bob

 


 

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A. Baez

Bob, I know you're happy with your version, but since you've explained your reasons, I'll briefly explain mine:

1) Okay, the planet reference eluded me, and I still don't see the reason for the bolded letters there or below.

2) Okay, but "blame of plenty" doesn't really make sense to me. You mean the blaming of plenty of people or circumstances? Or blaming aplenty?

3) Same as #1.

4) I meant that critics are equally easy to find as blame is. I was just looking for an alternative to your version because its phraseology sounds awkward to me.

5) "Bespeak" means "to be evidence of," not "ask a question." My alternative line, "points to a curious thought," introduces a pun on the pointer figure while conveying the same basic idea you were, just not in the personal form. To me, it doesn't make much difference whether this idea is phrased personally or impersonally, but one could argue that the latter makes the poem more universally engaging.

6) No change in mine.

7) "Linger to place vast blame" doesn't make sense in this context; what you really mean, I think is "hesitate to place vast blame." That's why I added "in silence" here. Also, "vast" sounds like a throwaway word added just to fill the meter, which my change eliminates.

8 "They" or "man"--the choice is yours. The former keeps the focus more limited by referring (in my mind) back to "critics"; the latter universalizes it. For what it's worth, as a woman, I'm not keenly opposed to the gender-neutral usage of the word "man," and I employ it this way occasionally myself.

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