goldenlangur Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 A Meeting. A gaunt figure, head bent and face obscured, limps through the withering grass at the edge of the field. I don’t know why I think it’s a he. The measured stride seems to suggest, on the one hand, a certain sense of purpose, and on the other, a hesitance. Is it the wind that propelled him here? Where is he bound for, through our overgrown land? And why does he keep his arms by the sides, as if he dare not breathe with each tread? Against the bobbing branches of the old cypress, he is like an apparition dropped from the belly of the rain-laden clouds. Is it the failing light or is his frame elongating with each step he takes? I’m not sure what I should say when we come face to face. Suddenly a white Apsoo crashes through the shrubs. I bend to pat it: ‘Is this your dog?’ I know even before I look up he is gone. 21.11.08 goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 This piece is quite compact. There isn't an unnecesary detail or supefluous phrase that can be singled out and omitted. "I don’t know why I think it’s a he" flows logically and naturally into "The measured stride seems to suggest... " Overgrown land takes me there, to the scene, to this other world that is foreign to me. This part could be applied anywhere, by anyone, in any part of the world: Is it the failing light or is his frame elongating with each step he takes? What an image! And the end -- I’m not sure what I should say when we come face to face. Suddenly a white Apsoo crashes through the shrubs. I bend to pat it: ‘Is this your dog?’ I know even before I look up he is gone. -- leaves the reader in the narrator's shoes, scratching his tilted head, wondering, though only for a moment, and then, somehow, at peace. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 Hi Tony, Thank you so much for this: tonyv wrote:This piece is quite compact. There isn't an unnecesary detail or supefluous phrase that can be singled out and omitted. I started out writing doing prose pieces and wandered off to poetry (not that i'm complaining ) but do miss doing prose and so now and then I stray back to it. I'm so happy that you saw it as compact and that it was vivid and yet with an element of the 'ghostly' With appreciation, goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Yes this indeed is compact goldenlangur. While reading of all piece, the reader can't stay incurious. And then to come to the end facing a white Apsoo, what can be metaphorical and mean something else. Well done GL Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 Hi Aleksandra, Thank you for your very perceptive reading. Yes, I hoped that this piece might convey something more than meets the eye and the colours do have a symbolic significance but I leave it to the reader as to what it might mean for each one. Appreciate this very much goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 ... but I leave it to the reader as to what it might mean for each one. Definitely Goldenlangur . For me thats the power of writing. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 Thank you very much Aleksandra goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Hi Golden, It has a mystic and uneasy feel to it - by mystic, I mean the questions about the figure raised by the narrator; uneasy, uncomfortable with the encounter. I think the ending is a cracker, the narrator is trying to find something to say even though he knows the stranger is gone. It happens in real life, too. The language here resembles that in your Haiku, very concise and precise. And you have created such a tense atmosphere. I'm not good at reviews, it's just how I feel about reading this piece. Enjoyed it very much! Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 Thank you Lake I like how you've sensed the encounter as 'uneasy, uncomfortable' and the atmosphere 'tense'. You make a very valid point about the writing -concise like haiku. I suppose things spill over from poetry into prose I enjoyed your review and thank you very much. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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