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waxwings

The Knitting Basket

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waxwings

In fuzzy yarn, wrapped twice around,

the bundle holds perhaps a pound

of letters from a younger me

she kept for years, in secrecy,

and knew by whom they might be found.

 

The house now empty. Echoes sound,

as my feet tread familiar ground

past work of spiders finely wound

with fuzzy yarn.

 

The reeds, half-charred, small mittens, browned,

the pages smeared, where her tears drowned,

all spared by fire, but not she….

I came too late. Too late I see

how mother’s love for me was bound

in fuzzy yarn.

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dr_con

Fascinating, powerful and poignant (despite the rhyme icon_lol.gif ) The use of the yarn as a 'wrapping' with the repetition tying it all together was a well built knot, that bound the authorial voice and the reader together.

 

Well, well, done!

 

DC


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

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waxwings

It pleases me you enjoyed it, Dr._C

 

This is a rondeau. I am told the trick is to find a 'phrase to be repeated', one that fits the narrative and does not appear premediated but blends in semantically and syntactically.

 

I was lucky. After a meeting of local poets one sent me an envelope with a stack of sheets (w/lore on writing poems in English) tied with 'fuzzy yarn'. It reminded me of the one I found in my mother's knitting basket. And, out of a real happening, a poem was born.

 

I am tickled to know why you seem to think rhymes 'laughable'.

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dr_con

No offense meant;-) Its a long standing 'argument' on several of the forums- I take the formless side and others take on forms and rhymes- It is far harder for me to not rhyme, and still convey something in a poem, and often forms become an excuse to hide a poor poetic sensibility- I am always pleased when someone uses rhyme or a specific form, and succeeds as you did, in creating something of worth---

 

Sorry, assumed you knew- RG and I always tease each other;-)

 

Thanks,

 

DC


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

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waxwings
No offense meant;-) Its a long standing 'argument' on several of the forums- I take the formless side and others take on forms and rhymes- It is far harder for me to not rhyme, and still convey something in a poem, and often forms become an excuse to hide a poor poetic sensibility- I am always pleased when someone uses rhyme or a specific form, and succeeds as you did, in creating something of worth---

 

Sorry, assumed you knew- RG and I always tease each other;-)

 

Thanks,

 

DC

 

 

Well put. I assumed it was a friendly dig. I am the newbie (rhymes w/ baby) and still looking for the best level of interaction with each one and all of the 'long time residents'. You and anyone else can rib me all you want. No one can tell ahead of time which comment will make me a better poet and that may never happen. I find it equally easy to not rhyme or rhyme. The form or non-form just happens. All I try to say what makes my soul itch and see who will share that

 

I did expect you to give the works re argument about tenses in one of JJ's latest. icon_bounce.gif

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Lake

This is very touching, waxwings. And skillfully written. Those small, concrete images are the most moving stuff.

 

dr_con's words "often forms become an excuse to hide a poor poetic sensibility" reminded me of a reader's comment on one of my poems, which I think is too prosy and poorly written. He said, if you wanted to keep it as poetry, give it a rhyme (easy way out) or maybe ...

 

To make it clear, this is by no means to say "The Knitting Basket" is rhyme only, it certainly has other poetic elements. But what Dr. C said is what some other people are doing.

 

Enjoyed it.

 

Lake

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Frank E Gibbard

Liked a lot wax and the reviews/discussion on form rhyme etc. were informative and germane. Plus the serendipity giving rise to the subject matter was also interesting. Frank

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waxwings

Thanks for your thoughts Lake and Frank. There were a few lines where I had to redo the wording to make the rhyming word truly apt and meaningful and did it a goodly number of times..

 

For dr_c I must add that, unfortunately there is a range of poetic sensibility among humans. Some think doggerel makes a 'real' poem, others are satisfied with occasional poems where you have to know the person or event celebrated. What I believe in that (my copyright icon_redface.gif ) It is a poem, not poetry that is actually written, and one hopes when writing one that some poetry emerges from in between the lines and only at the moment of reading it, not before and not after." I find too many good ideas too poorly written to be recognizable.

 

Nice of you to defend him, Lake, but not to worry, for I took his ribbing in the spirit it was delivered.

 

Question to Frank, "Is the kind of discussion I am now fostering here OK?" I generally oppose saying anything about my poems, but if my poem fails to say/hint the who, the why and the where, it has failed or I have failed it.

 

Thanks much, guys!

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Tinker

Hi waxwings, this is a touching piece and a much smoother example of the Rondeau than my own. In yours the heart of the poem dominates, as it should, allowing the form to compliment the work.

 

Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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rhymeguy

Hi waxwings,

 

First let me say that I found everything about this fine work beautiful. It is not in my nature to critic as I have come to believe that poetry is in the soul of the poet and the eye of the reader. Its quality is always up for debate. I respond to the picture and the thoughts that a poem inspires for me. Your work paints a somber and yet joyous picture of love given and love realized; how the simple things held dear come to demonstrate a life time of love and bring that love to mind when discovered.

I must weigh in on any discussion about rhyme and rhythm. Everyone knows my particular bias. It was here that I began to understand and appreciate that which does not rhyme and to see the poetry therein. Admittedly there are still times when I read work that seem like prose divided into different lines and verses for reasons that I do not understand. I still have room for growth.

As far as rhyme and rhythm go- anyone who thinks it is easy is, quite frankly, wrong. If one seeks to deliver the message with clarity and integrity and maintain a dedicated rhythm and rhyme one must work and search for the right words. That one word must flow and not seem contrived. You can never settle for less than the perfect words. I have written several poems that took literally years. I would have to put them away and come back to them later. A verse might come to me years later that put it all together. Until then it would just sit.

Conversely I thought that the unrhymed stuff looked easy. Just write down what you are thinking, divide it up any old way and call it poetry. Boy was I wrong.

I wanted to be taken seriously here. If I wanted that, it was imperative that I extend the same to others. Having done so has provided me with a great experience. I have learned, not only to write better, but to think and read better. I will never be a “Tinker”; I will never express the world like dr. con or tony but I can appreciate them and learn from them and honestly enjoy them for who they are and what they bring to poetry. They have kindly done the same for me.

Whoa, I really got carried away- but what the hell I’ll post and see where it goes.

rg

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waxwings

rhymeguy

 

Your airing out of what your views poetry lore are is most welcome, esp. since I am new here and would feel more easy knowing how serious members here are about their craft.

 

I wholly agree with all you say and can only add that good poems in any form, traditional or open are difficult to write if one's command of language, esp. vocabulary is lacking commeasurate with the poetic idea they want to express. Most humans have some level of poetic talent but what they accomplish depends on how much they are willin to sweat over learning what ever it takes to get that marvelous poem in their head onto paper in a way others too can see and enjoy it.

 

There is lots more to say on the subject and I hope we live long enough to cultivate an exchange of thoughts as finr as this.

 

You can critique my work, I'd appreciate it, and it is doable on several levels: vocabulary, syntax (including punctuation), form to cover sonic effects (like rhythm and all the vocalic echoes) , semantics and, of course, personal appeal. Nothing wrong with expressin an opinion as long as the authors persona or his artistic capability is not quoestioned and the intent is to learn or perhaps supply to the author some part he/she has not yet gleaned. Besides, the author does not have to change a poem per comments and therefore should not take any comments remiss.

 

Now you have me blabbering. Enough. And thanks for the response.

ww

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tonyv

This is lovely, Waxwings, from form to content. I recognized the form as a traditional one, but I admit I waited to see (from the ensuing informative discussion) what it was called -- the rondeau.

 

One of the things I like most is how the reader doesn't know until the very end exactly whose parcel the speaker has found. I presumed it to be that of a lover or spouse, but, in the end, when it was revealed to be the mother's, the poem became clear and struck me as having an even wider appeal. Not everyone has a spouse or lover or is consumed by matters involving romance, but I think most are moved by the concept of "mother." I certainly am.

I came too late. Too late

... hurts. Every day that I procrastinate could bring me closer to that dreadful moment.

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11

Rhyme binding poetry is fine by me and appropriate for the eventual unravelling in this poem. The 'fuzzy yarn' was imaginative and didn't tire in the repeating. Perhaps 'secrecy' could be conveyed more creatively.

 

A rather tragic narrative, but convincing.

 

badge

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waxwings

tonyv,

 

Thanks for the accolades. Not hard to write poem driven by emotion bound to a real experience. This was, and I carried it for years. The French forms are a challenge because those repeated phrases/lines have to emerge as part of a normal speech/conversation telling the tale.

 

rhymeguy,

 

good of you to say what you feel is a good but perhaps not the very best word. That is what poetry needs. If you have some ideas, go for it, and I will be most pleased to hear of other possibilities. I have rewritten that poem a ton of times.

 

When I started it I immediately knew what I had to say, and a vast majority of the rhyming words were there, but to make the rest available fit w/o stilting the language was not easy and has taken me some 20 plus years. Am still at it now and then. So, fire away. Anything.

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Aleksandra

Hello waxwings. This is very touching poem. The poems who comes right across the heart, by own experience, are the best, and most dear.

 

 

The house now empty. Echoes sound,

as my feet tread familiar ground

 

and

 

I came too late. Too late I see

how mother’s love for me was bound

in fuzzy yarn.

 

You made good connection in this poem, between the inspiration and all others memories, and bw, nostalgia what brings you back in time.

 

Nice job.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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