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dedalus

that girl (CW-SW)

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dedalus

She comes bursting in like sunlight

turning away the rain

transforming cloudy skies

driving me nuts.

She has pearl-white teeth

and curving lips

a small little nose

and flashing dancing dangerous eyes.

She goes out with an idiot

guy from Boston.

She lives with him.

She fucks him.

I don't believe this.

I believe it.

The guy's a fool.

Today she held a child

somebody else's child

maternally, tenderly

and then she looked at me

and shyly smiled.


Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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dr_con

Yes, and yes- the infinite repercussions of a single glimpse and the thousand roaring voices which follow: Good use of language, painfully clear images and implications- deep satisfaction in my recognizing response- probably needed a swear warning according to house rules- but otherwise a tiny gem;-)

 

DC


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

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pawn shop

Ah, the complexity of love Sounds like she knows your in love with her....and it also sounds like she's not going to marry the guy with whom she's with.....maybe.....

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tonyv

Though I was born in Boston,

 

I assure you that the guy's not me;

she sounds delightful, but a bit too free.

 

Then again, there's nothing stopping another brother from getting down! icon_razz.gif

 

This one concisely expresses the gamut of emotions -- frustration, longing, helplessness -- of something so near yet so far away. Make the move, bro, before she disappears ...

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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dedalus

You do what you do

... and it's all over now, Baby Blue!

 

Van Morrison.

I can hear the fireworks.

I can hear the fireworks.

I can HEAR the fireworks

and it's almost

Independence Day.

 

I ain't crazy.

No no no no no no.

A bit well, you know, maybe

but nothing serious.

And it's almost

it's almost

Chang! Ka dun ... ka dun ... ka dunkadunka ... schwanggggg. Oohooo

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiindependence Day!

 

Without music I think we'd all go nuts.

I seem to manage to go nuts anyway ...

without a hell of a lot of help or assistance.

We have a band, of course.

You want the CD?


Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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Lake

It is deceivingly lively and lighthearted. There's a feel of being lost, regretful...

The ending is really something. Sorry, I don't know how to articulate. icon_redface.gif

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badger11

The ending definitely has the 'wow' factor.

 

badge

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

hi big D.

 

i love the naturalist point of biew. you point it out plainly in the poem. i would go for it. oh i mean her. i wasw meaning to respond to this last night but i fell asleep. i was hospitalized again for 8 days withy a kidney infection. i felt so awful. you know me well emnough to know im very blunt in my poems which i feel you were in this poem. i enjoyed the read to this gem.

 

larsen aka victor icon_biggrin.png


Larsen M. Callirhoe

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dedalus

Good to hear from you again, victor. Hang in there, mate, and keep those poems coming!


Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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waxwings

Seems there are two poems by same title or is the second one a special comment.

 

I commiserate with the guy in the first. What if the baby is his, r is he sure it is not. If so why the look. And that is the way it is, re being struck by loving someone in spite of everything.

 

Love the poetic pain/art part, and the line breaks are extremely effective, but there is room for some editing. Some punctuation and stanza breaks might make the 'complaints' / details stronger, more significant. Without, the lines read as run-ons, as if the poem could be reduced to a handful of lines.

 

For my tea, the f word is disturbing, and here it fits. Should the 'house rules' be refined, and are they uniformly consensual. Remember I am new to this site.

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Tinker

Wow dedalus, I loved this though I read this totally different from everyone else here . Yep the narrator loves her, she is his daughter. She is decribed with energy and an innocent beauty. And the matter of fact disclaimer of the idiot is exactly as many Dads would react... Though she is with another, the narrator is still in her life as a father would be and she sends him messages with those dangerous eyes. No daddy is happy about that guy in Boston.... or the fact that she displays maternal instincts when she holds a child... What Dad wants his little girl to grow up and become a woman... he should be the center of her universe as he was when she was little, she will forever be his little girl. I found this touching.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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dedalus

Bingo, Tink! It was a matter of time before someone would look beyond the obvious. But the relationship remains wholly ambiguous.


Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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waxwings

Sorry, dedalus. I considered the possibility tinker sees, because I do have a daughter and she is married and does what women do, but the f-word wrecked that because I would have no reason to use it in such a heartfelt poem (which I think it is otherwise) and, if it had not, there is that you say "he is a fool" w/o giving us some hint why. I did cosider him to perhaps be the father.

 

I would not have posted this w/o thinking you can polish the poem a wee bit, since it deserves it.

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dedalus

I'm not sure I agree about the "f-word" wrecking the possibility of a father-daughter relationship. The father could be just horrified about it (with THAT jerk??) and forcing himself to face the reality of the situation. On the other hand, you are right in assuming that the poem was not originally intended that way. Nevertheless, it is ambiguous enough to allow for an alternative reading. On the subject of polish, BTW, there is not a single poem I have ever written that couldn't do with a good hard scrubbing!! ---- D.


Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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dedalus

Shameless, perhaps, to mention this -- not that shame has ever been a major consideration -- but now you can actually listen to this poem on audio, read by the idiot himself, along with a small collection of others should the mood come over you. You need to scroll down to PMO audio on the menu, open that and scroll down a bit and open Dedalus' poems. Now that I'm overcoming the technical obstacles with the help of Tony there's a legitimate fear in world capitals that dozens if not hundreds of these things could be on the way. God help us all. icon_cool.gificon_cool.gificon_cool.gif


Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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