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Tinker

January 2008 Word Challenge found at another site. Use 7 to 10 of the following words (word variations allowed) in a poem of any kind: her, bare, silent, slow, suddenly, make, sky, it, this, and ..... The subject matter could be considered an Aubade

 

Shadows (revision)

 

As day

lights the sky

unwelcome patterns

fall across

the silent wall.

 

Her white shoulder

lies exposed by the fold

of a rumpled sheet

and he leans down

to kiss a small freckle

goodbye.

 

Slow eyes slide open

to tear

at the pale

of this sunrise shadow

and drink

the image of his locked

shoulders as they pass into

the day.

--- Judi Van Gorder

 

 

Shadows original

 

The glow of dawn

lights the sky

making unwelcome patterns

fall across

the silent wall.

 

Her bare shoulder,

white skin, lay exposed

by the fold

of the rumpled sheet.

Slowly he lowered his lips

to kiss a small freckle

goodbye.

 

Eyes suddenly opened,

pool with tears

with the pale

of this sunrise shadow

and drink in

the image of his

locked shoulders as they

pass into the day.

---
Judi Van Gorder


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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goldenlangur

An impossible task

 

 

Hi Tink,

 

 

You make a difficult challenge seem so effortless in the way you've woven the required words into this beautiful verse. Love and passion consummated and yet the hollow of parting echoes with more longing and anguish of separation.

 

I particularly love these details:

 

 

The glow of dawn

...

making unwelcome patterns

fall across

the silent wall.

....

... the pale

of this sunrise shadow

and drink in

the image of his

locked shoulders as they

pass into the day.

----------- --- Judi Van Gorder

 

A great response to a challenge and a great verse to share here. Thank-you for posting this.

 

 

 

goldenlangur


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Aleksandra

Tinker, I like how you expressed this poem. This effort is so good, and and it gives me idea to make something like this in some of the other threads, and have some challenges. I have one this kind of poem too, sure with another words, and would be nice to have something here too.

 

This poem sounds so good. And I loved the last part:

 

Eyes suddenly opened,

pool with tears

with the pale

of this sunrise shadow

and drink in

the image of his

locked shoulders as they

pass into the day

 

Well done.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Tinker

Thank you gl, it is a type of poem that is normally out of my comfort zone, but the challenge words led me down that path. I have been working on restoring the "Traditional Forms" section and among the French forms that I have yet to post is the Aubade (dawn song), which is a poem showing conflict between love and responsibility specifically at the break of dawn. There are no specific structural requirements of the form although a smattering of rhyme is often present. I haven't been writing much and I appreciated any challenge that will jump start the creative juices.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Tinker

Hi aleks, Thank you. Yes at the old PMO we had a Playground section where challenges were posted but only a few of us played there. It wasn't terribly popular. But, sometimes we need something to challenge us. If nothing else it is an exercise to flex our writing muscles.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Tinker

Sometimes with word challenges, we force the challenge words to try and meet the criteria. I did that in this poem. But it was still a good thing because it was the words that inspired the images that ended in my writing a poem a little out of my comfort zone. I have revised the poem after rethinking some of those forced words, and it still uses 7 of the 10. (which in the end really isn't important anyway)

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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goldenlangur
... I have been working on restoring the "Traditional Forms" section and among the French forms that I have yet to post is the Aubade (dawn song), which is a poem showing conflict between love and responsibility specifically at the break of dawn. ... I haven't been writing much and I appreciated any challenge that will jump start the creative juices.

 

~~Tink

 

 

Hi again Tink,

 

 

I admire your dedication and hard work as you try to restore all those marvellous archive materials, lost recently.

 

As for not writing recently and the way challenges can stimulate - I understand so well - I too have spells of not writing.

 

 

I hope your Muse returns for longer visits

 

 

 

 

:) goldenlangur


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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tonyv

This sensuous poem is very much to my taste. It's wonderful how it came about from a word challenge!

 

The unwelcome patterns that grace the silent wall with the coming of the day set the tone, hence the title Shadows. I especially like how the second strophe shows the ephemeral tenderness shared by the couple.

 

The last strophe imparts an uneasy sense of peacefulness and contemporaneous acceptance of reality, to which I can relate. This brings the reader back to the beginning -- to the Shadows.


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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pawn shop

The only thing I would change is the last line....I would delete the word "into".

Also....it's curious, word choises.....word challenge......

I like to keep my style word simplistic....

I wish Emily Dickinson did that....

then I would know what she's all about :unsure:

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Tinker

Thank you golden langur for the encouragement. I am little by little getting the forms in place. I just hope some will attempt some of them.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Tinker

You got it Tony, but that doesn't surprise me, you have a romantic soul. Thanks for the careful read.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Tinker

Hi Jonathan, Whatever jumpstarts a poem is an acceptable inspiration for me. This poem is somewhat of a cliche, but romance is often cliche, still we all seek a little romance in our lives. Even if just from a word challenge.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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waxwings

Great poem. Greater revision.

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Tinker

Wow, this was a surprise to find this up on the page.... Thanks Ike for reading and the positive feedback on this oldy.

 

~~Tink


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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