Bloodyday Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 It was an invitation to touch The deepest point of her feelings Another invitation was a hoax To enjoy such a rain. I touched the raindrops instead Till then my life was cursed to lead. I made my own journey so uneven Sliding like drunken king On the slope of barren mountain. Now I am waiting For my doom and rebirth For redemption To suffer my own aftermath But my time doesn’t end Silence reigns in the wind Whispering some old melodies Someday I won’t miss my fallacy To vibrate Only for the groaning of dismantle ocean Or to halt Lucifer’s scream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 enjoyed the read. some crisp details that i liked. cheers victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Hi RoNy, You have some great details which startle and hold the reader's attention: to halt Lucifer’s scream. It was an invitation to touchThe deepest point of her feelings This is also a good opening to the poem. Full of yearning and melancholy reflections. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 As is usually the case, your verse delights with its fresh imagery and shining expressions. I think my favorite parts have to be: I made my own journey so unevenSliding like drunken king On the slope of barren mountain. and: Someday I won’t miss my fallacy To vibrate Only for the groaning of dismantle ocean ... Keep 'em coming even on a cloudy day, Rony! Tony :icon_sunny: Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Hello Rony. I can tell that I notice some improvements in your writing. I liked this poem a lot. The expression of the pain and love makes one good lyrical composition. You did that nicelly. Well done. Glad to read you again. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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