goldenlangur Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 (edited) the monks are here neighbors fill the house first day of funeral out on the verandah the dogs sniff and paw your chair Edited July 23, 2009 by goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhymeguy Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I love the pictures that you paint with just a few simple strokes of you pen. Like a fine painting I want to just look at it in silent contemplation of all the intricate nuance. rg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 The last line is chilling, Goldenlangur. From the outset of the tanka, it's apparent that the subject is the loss of a loved one, but the effect is amplified by the ending. Perfect title, too. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Hi gl, I missed reading your work. This tanka is so sad. I loved how loss was first introduced with the business of death, matter of fact images of the preparation for the "formal" mourning. But the last line brings it back to the personal grief that underlies the event, the raw animal pain. Nice. ~~Tink ps.. there is a typo you might want to fix... or an ommission typo... I am sure you meant "your" not you in the last line. Little things like that can throw off a reader just enough to diminish the impact of the line. Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Again good piece. How interesting that the grief is one of the feelings what makes us to write one of our best works. The title is strong, the poem written on the way waht makes a picture from words. Thanks for sharing. I hope you find peace my friend. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 the dogs sniff and paw your chair conveys the loss, the intimacy, the sense of not understanding 'why?' thank you for sharing badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Astoundingly concrete, and yes mournful. Just simply beautiful. I agree with Tinker- Your not you unless its "where you sit" Great work GL! DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Thank you rg for your generous compliment. Writing has been quite tough these few months. So I appreciate this very much. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 It is very encouraging that the impact in the last line works for you Tony. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Hi Tink, You're indeed very kind! Thank you for reading this with such perception. The you is indeed a typo - thank you for pointing it out. I have amended it. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 I hope grief can be expressed through writing: How interesting that the grief is one of the feelings what makes us to write one of our best works. Aleksandra But you're so generous in your compliment. :icon_redface: Thank you. I pray for my uncle to have a good rebirth and peace. Hopefully over time it will get easier for those of us who miss him. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 How well you read this, badge. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 I'm so glad that the concrete images work to evoke sadness, DC. With thanks to Tink and you I have amended the typo in the last line. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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