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monks are here


goldenlangur

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goldenlangur

the monks are here

neighbors fill the house

first day of funeral

out on the verandah

the dogs sniff and paw your chair

Edited by goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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I love the pictures that you paint with just a few simple strokes of you pen. Like a fine painting I want to just look at it in silent contemplation of all the intricate nuance.

 

rg

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The last line is chilling, Goldenlangur. From the outset of the tanka, it's apparent that the subject is the loss of a loved one, but the effect is amplified by the ending. Perfect title, too.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Hi gl, I missed reading your work. This tanka is so sad. I loved how loss was first introduced with the business of death, matter of fact images of the preparation for the "formal" mourning. But the last line brings it back to the personal grief that underlies the event, the raw animal pain. Nice.

 

~~Tink

 

ps.. there is a typo you might want to fix... or an ommission typo... I am sure you meant "your" not you in the last line. Little things like that can throw off a reader just enough to diminish the impact of the line.

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Again good piece. How interesting that the grief is one of the feelings what makes us to write one of our best works.

 

The title is strong, the poem written on the way waht makes a picture from words.

 

Thanks for sharing. I hope you find peace my friend.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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the dogs sniff and paw your chair

 

conveys the loss, the intimacy, the sense of not understanding 'why?'

 

thank you for sharing

 

badge

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goldenlangur

Thank you rg for your generous compliment.

 

Writing has been quite tough these few months. So I appreciate this very much.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

It is very encouraging that the impact in the last line works for you Tony.

 

 

Thank you.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

Hi Tink,

 

You're indeed very kind!

 

Thank you for reading this with such perception.

 

The you is indeed a typo - thank you for pointing it out. I have amended it.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

I hope grief can be expressed through writing:

 

How interesting that the grief is one of the feelings what makes us to write one of our best works.

 

Aleksandra

 

But you're so generous in your compliment. :icon_redface:

 

 

Thank you. I pray for my uncle to have a good rebirth and peace.

 

Hopefully over time it will get easier for those of us who miss him.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

How well you read this, badge.

 

Thank you.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

I'm so glad that the concrete images work to evoke sadness, DC.

 

 

With thanks to Tink and you I have amended the typo in the last line.

 

 

Thank you.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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