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Aleksandra

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One more sunrise went to the devil

to dance among the crying clouds,

to make the rain more like hail.

The sun, outcast by a starless sky,

makes my marred skin itch

and draws a craven face right on my door.

The hand starts to write, but children of mine

are scared from the nightmares of the day.

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Another image-rich poem! At first, the apparent contradiction of The sun, outcast by a starless sky stumped me. Upon further reflection, I concluded that the day time sky, without the sun, is indeed starless ... a cloudy day! The end --

 

... but children of mine

are scared from the nightmares of the day

-- is quite striking. Thanks for this exquisite poem, Aleksandra.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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The opening is strong. And the contrasts provided discovery along the way. A very good one, Sandra.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

wow aleks i loved this. you wrote exactly how i feel in such a beautiful poetic way. exceptionally exquisite poem my friend what more can i say your worfs are like drinking fine wine in your words. it is to be savored.

 

vic

Edited by Larsen M. Callirhoe

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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Another image-rich poem! At first, the apparent contradiction of The sun, outcast by a starless sky stumped me. Upon further reflection, I concluded that the day time sky, without the sun, is indeed starless ... a cloudy day! The end --

 

Thank you Tony as always for your wonderful words about my work and I always love how you read my poems. Thank you.

 

 

The opening is strong. And the contrasts provided discovery along the way. A very good one, Sandra.

 

Joel thanks for reading and commenting on this one. Glad you like the opening, that is always the hardest thing for me while making a poem.

 

wow aleks i loved this. you wrote exactly how i feel in such a beautiful poetic way. exceptionally exquisite poem my friend what more can i say your words are like drinking fine wine in your words. it is to be savored.

 

vic

 

Ah Vic you couldn't say better my friend, I appreciate your comment. Thank you for reading and glad you like this poem.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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One more sunrise went to the devil

to dance among the crying clouds,

to make the rain more like hail.

The sun, outcast by a starless sky,

makes my marred skin itch

and draws a craven face right on my door.

The hand starts to write, but children of mine

are scared from the nightmares of the day.

 

Hi aleks, This is so well written, who would guess your first language isn't English. Wow, great imagery! "and draws a craven face right on my door" has a haunting power. Love it!

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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One more sunrise went to the devil

to dance among the crying clouds,

to make the rain more like hail.

The sun, outcast by a starless sky,

makes my marred skin itch

and draws a craven face right on my door.

The hand starts to write, but children of mine

are scared from the nightmares of the day.

 

Excellent images conjured by this haunting write, So enjoyed the ending, you paint such a barron cold landscape...Dave

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Hi Aleksandra,

 

Bleak images which evoke an almost inexpressible existential anguish and yet you express this so poignantly:

 

The sun, outcast by a starless sky,

 

a craven face right on my door.

 

....children of mine

are scared from the nightmares of the day.

 

I get a sense of the natural order of thing turned upside down and inside out. It is as if Satan is playing tricks with the natural phenomenon:

 

One more sunrise went to the devil

to dance among the crying clouds,

to make the rain more like hail.

 

The surreality of your landscape underlines that anger, pain and sadness which are beyond words and indeed incomprehensible and immeasurable.

 

 

Thank you for a moving write. I may have got your intent wrong but this touched a chord.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Hi aleks, This is so well written, who would guess your first language isn't English. Wow, great imagery! "and draws a craven face right on my door" has a haunting power. Love it!

 

~~Tink

 

Tinker thank you so much for your compliment. I am trying hard to be better. When I work in peace and careful I am better, and also when Tony reminds me to not rush and helping me.

Glad you like the imagery.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Excellent images conjured by this haunting write, So enjoyed the ending, you paint such a barron cold landscape...Dave

 

 

Hi Dave. Thank you for your nice comment. Glad that this made a painting for you.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Hi Aleksandra,

 

Bleak images which evoke an almost inexpressible existential anguish and yet you express this so poignantly:

 

The sun, outcast by a starless sky,

 

a craven face right on my door.

 

....children of mine

are scared from the nightmares of the day.

 

I get a sense of the natural order of thing turned upside down and inside out. It is as if Satan is playing tricks with the natural phenomenon:

 

One more sunrise went to the devil

to dance among the crying clouds,

to make the rain more like hail.

 

The surreality of your landscape underlines that anger, pain and sadness which are beyond words and indeed incomprehensible and immeasurable.

 

 

Thank you for a moving write. I may have got your intent wrong but this touched a chord.

 

Goldenlangur hi my friend. I am impressed to read this comment of yours as always. You make me love my poem even more when I read what you have to say. I am happy how this poem spoke to you, and you are on the right point here. Thank you for reading and sharing your view with me.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Powerful poem Alek. Anger, sorrow, a sense of being lost comes forward in this poem and you put it all together with very nice, almost suprising imagery. Well you always do that making me love you poetry. :D

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Yes, haunting, powerful. I wonder what the new day will be. Excellent juxtoposition as in

 

The sun, outcast by a starless sky

 

the nightmares of the day

Cheers,

 

 

 

Lake

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  • 2 weeks later...
Powerful poem Alek. Anger, sorrow, a sense of being lost comes forward in this poem and you put it all together with very nice, almost surprising imagery. Well you always do that making me love you poetry. :D

Summayya, nice to see you around and right on my poem :). I am glad you love my poetry ;).

 

Yes, haunting, powerful. I wonder what the new day will be. Excellent juxtoposition as in

 

Cheers,

 

Lake

 

Lake, we never know what the new day will be, hopefully better, but can be worse too. :icon_eek:

 

Cheers :),

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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a very cool poem alex! loved the images and feelings and associations it brought up in me. deep, haunting, emotional.

To receive love, you have to give it...

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One more sunrise went to the devil

to dance among the crying clouds,

to make the rain more like hail.

The sun, outcast by a starless sky,

makes my marred skin itch

and draws a craven face right on my door.

The hand starts to write, but children of mine

are scared from the nightmares of the day.

 

A recurring slip of non-native English speakers (like myself) is the occasionally difficult choice of the most appropriate/common preposition to fit the intrinsic sense of the verb as it acts on or due to the object noun.

 

I cannot be absolutely certain of what your exact intent is, but in this wonderful poem I question the clarity of the "scared from nightmares" set.

 

There are several possibilities, because a person/child can be "scared, startled or frightened by" a dog, monster, sickness, death or a nightmare, but the same can be said by, "affraid of" when applied to the same set of nouns. While one can use "from" instead of "by" or "of" and still be generally understood, that choice makes me feel uneasy or seems somehow wrong.

 

A single word can have the same effect on a poem, as does an ugly scar on a beautiful face of a woman. I really do not have a solid reference to say that my opinion is right, but it does bear thinking about.

Edited by waxwings
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a very cool poem alex! loved the images and feelings and associations it brought up in me. deep, haunting, emotional.

 

Dear Douglas, thank you for your nice reply. I'm glad that you enjoy it.

 

 

A recurring slip of non-native English speakers (like myself) is the occasionally difficult choice of the most appropriate/common preposition to fit the intrinsic sense of the verb as it acts on or due to the object noun.

 

I cannot be absolutely certain of what your exact intent is, but in this wonderful poem I question the clarity of the "scared from nightmares" set.

 

There are several possibilities, because a person/child can be "scared, startled or frightened by" a dog, monster, sickness, death or a nightmare, but the same can be said by, "affraid of" when applied to the same set of nouns. While one can use "from" instead of "by" or "of" and still be generally understood, that choice makes me feel uneasy or seems somehow wrong.

 

A single word can have the same effect on a poem, as does an ugly scar on a beautiful face of a woman. I really do not have a solid reference to say that my opinion is right, but it does bear thinking about.

 

Waxwings, thank you for another careful read. I agree with you that it is not so common to say: " scared from ", but still it's probably not wrong to say it. Thank you again.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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