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Poetry Magnum Opus

Over at Auntie Mags


dedalus

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Ah sure Jayzus, boy, there's yourself

and will you not come in? You'll have

a cup of tay, mo buchaillín, you will!

It's ages indeed since last you dropped in

and you with a fine head of hair upon you then

and no signs of the fat old baldy bastard

you've since become, God bless you.

 

Are you still with the wife? Jayz, I thought

she was a fearful bitch but you'd know best,

and I suppose the children are well?

Your eldest lad's no longer in prison?

Ah, sure, Peadar's as well as he can be,

putting on his trousers backwards,

and making telephone calls to the Pope.

 

I can't believe he gave me eleven children

with the sad little willy that's on him now.

Another cup, or a drop of the craythur?

The oul' pins are not what they used be

so get your arse off the chair and go over

to the cupboard beyond, you'll find Matty

Kiernan's finest, made above in the mountains.

You'll take a drop of milk to cut the edge?

 

Tell me, did you kill any British sojers?

Did you not? Sure, there's no men these days,

not at all like the times when I was a girl.

Her rosy face, her beaming blackcurrant eyes,

tell me how gladly she'd have skinned them alive;

I feel near relief for a fading faltering Empire

that got out while the going was good.

 

I don't know, she says, this money now,

you'd miss the oul' sovereigns and the half-crowns,

they'd a weight about them, something serious,

you'd walk to the shops with a toss of your head.

Mag, dear, I've some weight in my own pocket

I was hoping to give you. Musha, musha,

man alive, would you bring shame on the house?

Keep your hands where I can see them.

 

She giggles. Peadar, you know, was a terrible man

and he'd thump the young lads who'd even look at me.

Ah, she sighs, I used to like that.

Edited by dedalus

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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Who's that Gentleman, dedalus?

 

This is a lovely read, beautifully written. I love the voice of Auntie Mag, it flows so naturally, has a warm, homey feel, with a lot of funny stuffs, very entertaining.

 

putting on his trousers backwards,

and making telephone calls to the Pope.

 

These just made me smile.

 

The switch of persona in the middle stumbled me a little, but after I adjusted my channel, it worked again.

 

Really really enjoyed it.

 

Lake

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The switch of persona in the middle stumbled me a little, but after I adjusted my channel, it worked again.

 

Hi, Lake, and thanks for the comment. I've reached the opinion the change-of-voice thing in the middle doesn't add anything and in fact detracts from the flow so I've cut it out. It's always hard to edit ("Those were the BEST lines!!!") but you really have to in order to make a poem work ... or simply get it off the ground and keep it in the air!

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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I like how he flatters the old biddy:

 

I don't know, she says, this money now,

you'd miss the oul' sovereigns and the half-crowns,

they'd a weight about them, something serious,

you'd walk to the shops with a toss of your head.

Mag, dear, I've some weight in my own pocket

I was hoping to give you. Musha, musha,

man alive, would you bring shame on the house?

Keep your hands where I can see them.

 

She giggles. Peadar, you know, was a terrible man

and he'd thump the young lads who'd even look at me.

Ah, she sighs, I used to like that.

He takes her back to another time by making her feel a little bit good about herself. In permitting her to feel as if she has aged gracefully, he has shown his humanity, and that's charming.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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