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Leaf Viewing


Lake

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Leaf viewing

 

Year after year, in every corner, they fall

at their designated time. Grass still green,

'mums in blossom, without hesitation, they fall.

On fine days, at the last cicada's cry: life is

dying, dying, by ones, by twos, they fall.

When wind blasts stones, rain brims the pond

pillowful of red, yellow and brown, they fall.

Raking, yet not raking. Every year's a bonus now.

Nothing's more punctual than leaves in the fall.

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Lake,

 

I'm loving the 'fall' reflections abundant on this board- another fine reflection on mortality impermanence and the change of seasons- This was a compact and delicious read!

 

Many Thanks,

 

DC&J

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

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Quite expertly delivered, Lake. Not overdone, your skilled use of repetition and the subtle way you make use of the double-meaning for the word fall make this poem compact, powerful, a winner.

 

I see a deeper meaning. "Designated time," "bonus," and "punctual" make me consider mortality, as these expressions hint at "borrowed time."

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Quite expertly delivered, Lake. Not overdone, your skilled use of repetition and the subtle way you make use of the double-meaning for the word fall make this poem compact, powerful, a winner.

 

I see a deeper meaning. "Designated time," "bonus," and "punctual" make me consider mortality, as these expressions hint at "borrowed time."

 

Tony

 

Hi Tony,

 

I'm really grateful to your take on this poem. The point you made on the repetition, the double meaning of 'fall' and the three words are spot on. I'm thrilled, and 'scared' as this poem reads so transparent to you.

 

Many thanks,

 

Lake

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  • 2 weeks later...

Lake, this poem is so musical and different from you. I like how Tony interpreted this poem, and I agree with him.

 

Perfect done.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Ha, they don't sound poetic, do they? Thans for the positive, badger.

 

Happy holidays!

 

Lake

 

designated/hesitation/punctual

 

not familiar with these words in poems I've read, that's a positive!

 

badge :0)

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The polysyllables 'flatten' the rhythm, to my ear, which interested me.

 

badge :0)

 

Now I see what you mean. Will "chosen time" , "without pause" work better?

 

Lake

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The polysyllables 'flatten' the rhythm, to my ear, which interested me.

 

badge :0)

 

Now I see what you mean. Will "chosen time" , "without pause" work better?

 

Lake

I think Badger means he liked it the way you have it, Lake.;) Don't be so quick to discard/change! :o

 

Tony :)

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Yes, you're right Tony. Flatten sounds negative, but it wasn't meant to be. I thought of using 'measured' or 'even' or 'controlled'.

 

badge :0)

Yes, "flattened" i.e. measured, even, controlled ... the opposite of sing-song ... not like my most recent, silly little dittys. :o :))

 

Good to see you!

 

Tony :D

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Lovely ideas and a fascinating way of seeing fall.

 

I would, if asked, suggest heavy editing and re-evaluation of punctuation marks used.

 

Punctuation is not kind to poetry, should be used sparingly and only to preclude ambiguity.

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Lovely ideas and a fascinating way of seeing fall.

 

Thanks waxwings for the compliment.

 

I would, if asked, suggest heavy editing and re-evaluation of punctuation marks used.

 

Now, I am asking: Do you mean heavy edit the whole piece or just the use of punctuation or both?

 

Thanks,

 

Lake

Edited by Lake
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