Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

Abundance (When the Cherry Trees Bloomed)


dr_con

Recommended Posts

Abundance (When the Cherry Trees Bloomed)

 

Hate the cult of abundance

indulgent soporific dreamers

they believe in astrology

punctuation and romance

I focus on the crack

in everything

and this sidewalk

endless interruption

of the foundation

The liminal

between the assumed

and the greening of the infrastructure

as life feeds on the inanimate

not the cherry trees in bloom

the smell of sweet and pink

nauseates me

Spring must be early

Buds avoid guilt or

shame thrilled at

their lack of culture

They do not blush

We should be embarrassed

Thinking we are gardeners

Wind and rain and earth

feast on our pretensions of labor

 

Cold fires glimmer in this sky

no meaning or interpretation

warranted or asked for.

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I really like this condensed rewrite, Juris. I think you've honed it down to a much stronger poem. Especially effective is the way you handle the personal here:

 

I focus on the crack

in everything

and this sidewalk ...

 

and here:

 

the smell of sweet and pink

nauseates me ....

 

But the real clincher is the end:

 

Cold fires glimmer in this sky

no meaning or interpretation

warranted or asked for.

 

"Cold fires" may seem like an oxymoron, but it's an image which strikes my fancy. It seems also to epitomize "liminality."

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Badge & Tony! This really isn't a rewrite- rather it was an experiment inspired by the reactions to the first piece- dealing with the nature of voice- what's being said and communicated- An accomplished poet and my friend EK Keith and I are teaching a poetry class- hopefully this summer, and she inspired me to see if I could basically make a complete different mood (voice) while sticking to some of the original metaphors...

 

Many Thanks for your Kind comments!

 

DC&J

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
goldenlangur

Hi DC,

 

 

How Zen these lines read!:

 

... Buds avoid guilt or

shame thrilled at

their lack of culture

They do not blush

We should be embarrassed

 

 

Stripping away the ego and the overshadowing of the ego of all things. The latter takes many forms:

 

indulgent soporific dreamers

they believe in astrology

punctuation and romance

 

and while being mired in these illusionary webs we lose the sacred inherent in us.

 

 

You give much to think.

 

 

Thank you.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow Juris, this is one of your best poems. So much to my taste.

 

I enjoyed these parts:

 

Hate the cult of abundance

indulgent soporific dreamers

they believe in astrology

punctuation and romance

I focus on the crack

in everything

 

- very intimate, powerful - wonderful.

 

Spring must be early

Buds avoid guilt or

shame thrilled at

their lack of culture

They do not blush

We should be embarrassed

Thinking we are gardeners

 

- I agree with goldenlangur, very zen.

 

This is really good experiment and works as well. It's very interesting how you wrote this poem and I am impressed to read a little from the background of how came out this poem.

 

Perfectly done. A great job.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Many Thanks Golden & Aleks- I was touched by your comments and realized this was a more successful experiment than I believed....

 

 

Much Appreciation!

 

DC&J

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Many Thanks Golden & Aleks- I was touched by your comments and realized this was a more successful experiment than I believed....

 

 

Much Appreciation!

 

DC&J

 

Sure it was, DC. I look forward for more experiments like this one.

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

hi there! it was great to read and you have created some very powerful images and shared an interesting perspective. i particularly loved these lines:

 

We should be embarrassed

Thinking we are gardeners

Wind and rain and earth

feast on our pretensions of labor

 

as GL said, there is a powerful undercurrent of zen, the turning away from the arrogance and preoccupation with the head and logic and ego versus the heart, embracing what is and living in simplicity and truth.

 

thank you.

To receive love, you have to give it...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.