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badger11

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Beyond the musty air lies Mary

lightly dreaming. Harry tiptoes

the icy floor to find himself

beneath the shower, humming a song.

 

Scrubbed clean, in knightly mode,

he steals his Queen from simple sleep.

They warm beneath the wedding sheet.

He knows she loves a sentimental man.

 

Edited by badger11
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A compact and precise poem written in a distinctly "Badger" style. I love the concreteness of the first verse and the more contemplative nature of the second; the two compliment each other perfectly. "Scrubbed clean" gives the reader pause as does the return to "knightly mode." Extremely thought provoking ...

 

Tony

 

PS -- Should he in the last line be she?

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Very charming. You make sense of the scene with few words, but why "theoretical". That conflicts me and drives me to picking nits which I hate to do, esp. when the basic thrust is as wonderful as this.

 

Also, why the insertion of names of two strangers. Are you peeping and making me think I am as well? What I mean is why not just she and he.

 

BTW, there is nothing wrong with "He knows she likes". It seems rificulous to say that "she knows she likes..." because of course she does, while saying he's been attentive enough to guess she does is more significant. Of course, that hit me only on my third reading , and I do like a poem that has that kind of a surprise in store, i.e., where what seems wrong at first becomes glamorous on second thought.

Edited by waxwings
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but why "theoretical". That conflicts me and drives me to picking nits which I hate to do, esp. when the basic thrust is as wonderful as this.

Yes, there is a consensus in opinion on that word, though for me it is the most enjoyable part.

 

Also, why the insertion of names of two strangers. Are you peeping and making me think I am as well? What I mean is why not just she and he.

 

I like to distance myself, use persona, empathise, write fiction. I have a few Harry poems, Mary poems, and sometimes they meet.

 

and I do like a poem that has that kind of a surprise in store, i.e., where what seems wrong at first becomes glamorous on second thought.

Yes, discovery is one of the delights of writing.

 

I value your reading WW, your intelligent comments and insight on writing.

 

all the best

 

badge

 

ps It would be a pleasure to see more of your poems!

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Sincere apology for "theoretical" and it beats me why I thought I saw that word in your poem. Would it be OK to think I subliminally felt the poem though good is a bit on the theoretical side. Counterpoit quite welcome.

 

Further thoughts re names vs. pronouns: other readers may well feel, as I did, that Harry is your avatar and Mary one for someone close to you, thus undoing your intent/desire to distance yourself from your poem. I personally do not see why one would want that, unless one is unsure of a poem's quality, not the case here. Using "he" and "she" would do better, as would not using name/s appearing in titles. Current 'theory' (lore) recommends title should be a 'hook', a lure to draw the casual reader in.

 

I am flattered by your desire for more of my poems. I am not very prolific. The sheer weight of caring for family cuts in on my writing. What I think my better usually comes from some kind of epiphany, and, I must have the opportunity to write immediately as it happens or no dice. I must have drafts to perhaps something in the neighborhood of 3K poems and when no new triggers come, I spend time polishing them.

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Further thoughts re names vs. pronouns: other readers may well feel, as I did, that Harry is your avatar and Mary one for someone close to you, thus undoing your intent/desire to distance yourself from your poem. I personally do not see why one would want that, unless one is unsure of a poem's quality, not the case here. Using "he" and "she" would do better, as would not using name/s appearing in titles. Current 'theory' (lore) recommends title should be a 'hook', a lure to draw the casual reader in.

 

I simply write fiction ww. A poem in isolation may suggest confession/autobiographical writing, but my Harry poems are looking to create a narrative and a character. Writing as an exercise to empathise with 'strangers'.

 

 

 

I must have drafts to perhaps something in the neighborhood of 3K poems and when no new triggers come, I spend time polishing them.

Time to post some old poems my friend.

 

badge

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Re your writing fiction. I have heard that a poem can indeed be fiction, i.e., the content and personae can be imagined, yet the whole communicates emotional experience as that is what poems are expected to do rather than communicating just knowledge and belief, i.e. discursive and , respectively, hortatory writing.

 

You have responded kindly to my 'jabs' and w/o taking them as being other thand friendly in nature. I noticed you have gone to a different title which does intrigue me. I have not yet come to a conclusion how it reflects what your poem is about, but it certainly makes me reread this poem some more.

 

I hope I can plumb your intent re "Queen".

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the whole communicates emotional experience as that is what poems are expected to do rather than communicating just knowledge and belief

Agreed ww, but that doesn't have to be the emotional experience of the writer.

 

badge

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goldenlangur

Hi badge,

 

Sonorous and sensuous:

 

he steals his Queen from simple sleep.

They warm beneath the wedding sheet.

 

There's a lovely playfulness in the images and tone.

 

 

I enjoyed this. :D

 

Thank you.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Your viewpoint cannot be denied or dismissed. However, I am at sea as to why you consider the emotional experience being not yours. A poet, even fictionally, cannot escape sharing the emotions in others, and, if he were to do so and convince the reader of it, what is then seen on the page might not be considered a poem, but just a disinterested , unfeeling observation by reporter/journalist, not a poet.

 

I am most likely wrong interpreting your intent and would be happy with more of an elucidation.

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At first I must say badger, that I liked a lot the conversation that goes on here. And I like the typo of Tony: badge's style, I agree with him.

As for Harry and Mary, I do recognize them as a characters in your poetry and they are not strangers to me. And waxwings, did you get as an option the possibility that Harry or Mary can be the poet itself? That's why I love the mention of the names because they are not strangers to the narrator.

 

Badge, I loved this poem and the tone of passion inside. The message at the end works a lot and that makes this poem provocative.

 

Much enjoyed.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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As for Harry and Mary, I do recognize them as a characters in your poetry and they are not strangers to me. And waxwings, did you get as an option the possibility that Harry or Mary can be the poet itself? That's why I love the mention of the names because they are not strangers to the narrator.

 

Aleksandra

 

I did so, Aleks, as one of my earlier post shows. And it certainly seems that the 'narrator' knows the two. My curiosity lies in the intended 'distance' between the poet and them, but if he is merely an observer, the intimacies alluded to do raise a question mark in my mind.

 

And thanks for participating in stuff that is not always clear.

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There's a lovely playfulness in the images and tone.

 

 

To an extent gl, but I did intend to infer otherwise with the concluding line.

 

pleased you enjoyed

 

badge

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That's why I love the mention of the names because they are not strangers to the narrator.

Thank you Aleks. That is very insightful. My intention is to not to be a stranger, to be inside and not outside of what these people feel.

 

badge

Edited by badger11
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And it certainly seems that the 'narrator' knows the two. My curiosity lies in the intended 'distance' between the poet and them, but if he is merely an observer, the intimacies alluded to do raise a question mark in my mind.

 

 

 

A distance from myself not a distance from them, to empathise not observe, experience and convey their emotions and thoughts not mine.

 

Thanks again ww.

 

badge

Edited by badger11
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