worm Posted April 13, 2010 Share Posted April 13, 2010 (edited) evening skirted with a golden lace of lingering sunray soon night comes treading on dusky air in an agile way all surrenders clamors of the day dust adrift… she enfolds everything into her sable garment tunes a serenade stars strewn on heaven's supple curtain moon creeps, crescent Edited April 14, 2010 by worm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 Perfect, Worm! Superb musicality in this exquisite lyrical piece. I love the alliteration (lace/lingering, stars/strewn, creeping/crescent) and the rhyme that is peppered in just the right places throughout (sunray/way/day). I love how night comes/treading on dusky air/in an agile way. The poem reminds me a lot of Longfellow's "Night." Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 I agree wholeheartedly with Tony! an exceptional piece filled with life... Something special worm! ;-) J&DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 Perfect, Worm! Superb musicality in this exquisite lyrical piece. I love the alliteration (lace/lingering, stars/strewn, creeping/crescent) and the rhyme that is peppered in just the right places throughout (sunray/way/day). Thanks Tony! You always offer me generous comment. Yes I've learnt to use alliteration bit by bit. Congratulations on my little progress! I love how night comes/treading on dusky air/in an agile way. The poem reminds me a lot of Longfellow's "Night." Tony With your guide, I read Longfellow's poem Night, hardly understand the form sonnet, which seams technically very high to me, but enjoy reading how he felt about Night, The better life begins; the world no more Molests us; all its records we erase From the dull common-place book of our lives, That like a palimpsest is written o'er With trivial incidents of time and place It sounds we all become newborn when another sun rises. Thanks for this recommendation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 I agree wholeheartedly with Tony! an exceptional piece filled with life... Something special worm! ;-) J&DC I rejoice in every comment you've made for me, though this is not my only wish. Something special speaks a lot. I'm delighted that there are many special poets here. Thanks for your agreement dr_con! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 Hi worm, Some lovely sensuous details in your poem: treading on dusky air ... enfolds everything into her sable garment Night, it seems, is enchanting :D Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted April 19, 2010 Author Share Posted April 19, 2010 Thanks godenlangur, night is enchanting. I’ve been captivated but she’s flown, not in my captive. :icon_redface: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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