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Poetry Magnum Opus

Above the Current


dr_con

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Above the Current

 

 

I'm a superstitious atheist she said

O I understand wouldn't it be nice

if science and suicide were legal

and when the time came

we could be launched into

 

Space

 

just a human without class or hate

race or wealth religion or health

back into the original womb

gravity a wholly different

 

Law

 

burning across the night sky

instead of sitting in this well

Doing what she said O fish-

ing on a river interacting

with the memory of gills

and hunger and float

just a spark of need

among first embers

creating stories

of survival

and fire

 

before we flash electric and final

that tiny instant before we go

 

Out.

 

 

The Memory of Gills

 

The fishermen curse

Ospreys eat and cry

beneath the surface

Shad and Bass play

Riled land-mammals

Kings of two thumbs

oppose and dual

by a tad separated

inserting gods-devils

a clever forgetting

We are born in-sea

so far from land

fickle and reckless

 

out-there where even gilled dragons

once feared to tread repeating endless stories

from no-where No not nothing but something moving West-

Moving from liquid to matter due to return anytime now.

 

 

Stories from Nowhere

 

 

They hit and hug walk and talk

pretending to be parents friends

enemies teachers lovers you

these people, these stories

from nowhere some speak

The Language of Birds

 

But most converse in Rock or Build

or shout in Chain having flocked

to Mesopotamia leaving Grow

and Hunt for domestication

urban husbandry half-god

mostly animal rhetorics

 

We still tell tribal tales

beneath these violations

of Earth Water Sky and Fire

imagining we're from somewhere

 

anywhere but bad translations

of want and need and here and now

constantly singing in evermore elaborate ways

our unborn and undying love for it all.

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

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I like the idea of the three parts trickling each down to a single image, esp. since the last also serves as a summation, but seems that the effort (which is the first thing one is bound to notice) to form a perhaps too smooth a shortening of successive lines, is not imaginatively consistent with what they say, and one wonders if it is not more artifice than art, esp. in view that the last part does not follow the architecture of the first two strictly because there are those two near equal lines at the end.

 

I am not really finding fault, just wondering if you notice that possibility, and I certainly like the poem, the more powerful the closer to the end which is unexceptional.

 

I strongly urge you to consider a comma or two in the right places, because w/o them you seem to rush what is basically a very contemplative poem.

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I've read this about five times already, and I plan to read it again a number of times, Juris. It's sonic effects and compact, lyrical form are pleasing to me. Interestingly, the poem comes at the right time -- the stars must be aligned -- because it's mood matches my own contemplative mood these recent days. [Yesterdays apod pic of the day (with description) had the same effect.] Anyway, I loved the double meaning of current (river/electric) which I garnered from this.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Thanks WW!

 

as always your comments are very useful... I've edited by adding the next 2 in the series to get more of a feel about what's going on...

 

Many Thanks,

 

DC&J

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

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Tony,

 

You must have posted while I was doing edits- The APOD picture was on my PC all day and as people passed I would point to it and all went: Whoa or Wow ;-)

 

Me too...

 

Thanks for dropping in....

 

DC&J

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

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Tony,

 

You must have posted while I was doing edits- The APOD picture was on my PC all day and as people passed I would point to it and all went: Whoa or Wow ;-)

 

Me too...

 

Thanks for dropping in....

 

DC&J

Incredible! I, too, had it as my wallpaper on my computer and on my phone!

 

Capture21_12_41.jpg

 

And it prompted me to look find the following link: Great Gallery

 

I plan to explore this link (and your additional poems!) tomorrow. I shall return!

 

Tony :D

 

 

Hmmm ... I wonder what they used to make the paintings. I mean, what could be so durable to last 5,000-7,000 years? And why do your poems (on the screen/page) look like the paintings??? I shall return ...

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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My first response was to the first pom. The other two must have been added later and are not touched by my comments. Consequently, I am all at sea re what you, Juri, are saying if it respods to my comments. Same for anything beyond you and tony are talking about.

 

But I do enjoy that photograph, and thanks to tony for pointing to the source. I took a look and found there are many other fantastic photos and the latest astronomical finding about very massive planets being kicked out of galaxies/nebulae.

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Okay, I'm back.:) As promised, here are some thoughts on the additional poems.

 

Aside from other more obvious sentiments, from the second poem I get the notion that nothing can survive for long out of its environment. No matter how well he may try to adapt (e.g. with diving gear), a human is not designed for the water and thus does not stand a chance against a shark. Conversely, it's unlikely that a beached shark would be a threat to anyone.

 

The third poem functions like a reminder. No matter how advanced mankind might become, there's no erasing of genetic history, that undercurrent of the primal.

 

The Memory of Gills and Stories from Nowhere complement the original work (and each other) quite well. Enjoyed the series.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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