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three little words


goldenlangur

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goldenlangur

Edited:

 

three little words

silently tossed across the seas

in my in-box

your message lights up

a cold and wet spring

 

 

First version:

 

three little words

silently tossed across the seas

in my in-box

your messages lights up

a cold and wet spring

Edited by goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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three little words

silently tossed across the seas

in my in-box

your messages lights up

a cold and wet spring

 

An excellent subject for a well done Western version tanka. As per tradition, the title is unneeded. BTW, should that not read "messages light" (sing.) etc.

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Nice GL, three little words - I can only assume the obvious - I love you . . . these would light up any cold and wet spring... So simple, so lovely.

 

On a techinical note, I think "message" rather than "messages" would be more appropriate... Your first line refers to 3 words which I would assume was 1 message. However, there might be more messages unrevealed that you are reffering to and your assumed audience is only the sender of the messages then "messages" is appropriate. But for the random reader of this poem, only the 1 message is pertinent. (I certainly made scrambled eggs out of that thought.)

 

I like "light" up the cold and wet Spring... yet, I wonder if to "warm" up the cold and wet Spring would be more cozy...Just a thought. (Your poem lit up my room but it happens to be pouring rain outside right now and it is chilly so I am looking for cozy right now. Rain in May?)

 

By the way, we can't reply in the "Promotions" forum but I wanted to say congratulations on the publishing of your work. It doesn't surprise me. I have always been a fan.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

very beautiful. i like.

 

victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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golden,

 

Like Tinker, three little words of "I love you" immediately come to my mind ( or are there any other three words?).

Then you have to decide as others sugguested either "your messages light up" or "your message lights up".

As usual, very nice tanka.

 

Lake

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goldenlangur

Hi waxwing, Tink, Tony, victor, DC and Lake,

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this tanka.

 

 

There was indeed a typo in message, which I have now amended, thanks to your close reading.

 

Tony - so glad that the modern ton of this appealed to you.

 

victor - I'm delighted that you enjoyed the romantic note.

 

Tink - Thank you for your kind wishes. It's a small start. I appreciate your generous support of my writing. Re your suggestion of warms up, I think it is great idea and will use it in my re-write.

 

 

With appreciation.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Wow Goldenlangur, these three little worlds looks very far but at same time very close. This is lovely tanka, I felt desire in your words, and that is what makes the spring cold and wet - if I watch in metaphorically way.

 

As always, this was beautiful poem to read.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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