Street Math

[Aleksandra]

You bleed quiescence from silence

and peddle it to the numb.

Like a worthless nitpicker, you haggle

for two, three coins.

You dawdle with the success of the losers.

And when you multiply by zero,

you relish the result;

you never get zero in the end.

 

What are you?

[waxwings]

You bleed quiescence from silence

and peddle it to the numb.

Like a worthless nitpicker, you haggle

for two, three coins.

You dawdle with* the success of the losers.

And when you multiply by zero,

you relish the result;

you never get zero in the end.

 

What are you?

 

Another excellent poem. My apologies if I am wrong in thinking you wrote this impulsively, as a true poet should, and dd not take time to check the dictionary for denotation(s) and connotations. Revision is due to see if all is OK, esp. linguistically.

 

I wonder if you mean "repose" instead of "quiescence". The latter is too much like "silence" and would lead to a tautomerism.

 

Similarly, I think you mean "ragpicker", because a "nitpicker' is a "faultfinder", esp. the kind that goes after insignificant things. At the lowest, a nitpicker is one who searches among someone elses hair for immature lice.

 

Finally, one "dawdles at /around", i.e., procrastinates, and I have a hard time seeing that can apply to the underlined phrase.

[badger11]

Intriguing poem Aleks, especially liked the directness of the end question after the obliqueness of the other lines.

 

badge

[tonyv]

The world certainly does not appear to be lacking in these types, Alek. From street hustlers to swindlers in high places, they really do seem to believe that they can multiply by zero and end up with something other than zero. But the meek shall inherit, the first will be last, and the last will be first, etc., etc., etc.

 

I like how, in the last line, you say, "What are you?" instead of "Who are you?" It gives hope by showing that there's another way, one of transparency, of accountability, of illumination ... like common sense exposing the dark crevices of depravity!

 

Tony

[Aleksandra]

I wonder if you mean "repose" instead of "quiescence". The latter is too much like "silence" and would lead to a tautomerism.

Hi, Waxwings. Thank you for your close reading. I used quiescence intentionally in the context of this poem.

 

Similarly, I think you mean "ragpicker", because a "nitpicker' is a "faultfinder", esp. the kind that goes after insignificant things. At the lowest, a nitpicker is one who searches among someone elses hair for immature lice.

Exactly. Nitpicker is what I intended to use. It seems I found the exact word for my little faultfinder in this poem :) .

 

Finally, one "dawdles at /around", i.e., procrastinates, and I have a hard time seeing that can apply to the underlined phrase.

As for this part, I anticipated that you (and perhaps others) would react this way. But I'm leaving it unclear on purpose. I know it sounds confusing in English, but that's the idea of the poem: confusion.

 

Thank you for your comment and your time.

 

Aleksandra

[Aleksandra]

Badge, I'm glad you like the directness after the obliqueness. I like to end my poems in more simple ways :).

 

Tony, there is always another way. And I like when you are saying: like common sense exposing the dark crevices of depravity!

 

Thank you so much for your kind comments.

 

Aleksandra

[Lake]

Hi Alek,

 

I don't pretend that I understand it totally, but I think it has your usual style of sharpness in your word choice, phrasing which has a penetrating feel.

 

Best,

 

Lake

[RHommel]

You bleed quiescence from silence

and peddle it to the numb.

Like a worthless nitpicker, you haggle

for two, three coins.

You dawdle with the success of the losers.

And when you multiply by zero,

you relish the result;

you never get zero in the end.

 

What are you?

 

Hi Alek,

 

I often feel this way... your piece brings to mind what I call schmarminess (though that's probably a bastardization of the Yiddish). The choice of words "bleed quiescence from silence and peddle it to the numb" evokes the image of a natural salesman (the same one who can sell ice to an Eskimo, as the cliche goes), but not in a good way - a brilliant rebirth of the metaphor. And "dawdle with the success of losers" is perfectly ambivalent... Does he entertain a loser-like version of success for himself, or is he entertained by interfering with the success of people less fortunate than he? Probably both. Even the title is fantastic. (Is it some sort of sign that I assumed the subject was male?) :icon_razz:

 

The whole thing is fabulously devilish. "you never get zero in the end. What are you?", as if you are disgusted by the whole scenario. I love it!

 

I could read this all day... and most likely will. Thanks!

 

~Rachel

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

alek i madea very long response to this awhile ago. what happenedto it?

 

victor

 

 

i like your sense of direction. the title iscatchy and the poem is awell versed poem. im going to get more indepth later. im upset that my response isnot here.

[rumisong]

I LOVE this work...

the "what are you?" does trip me a tiny bit though- makes me wonder if its intended as a riddle, which I didnt think it was...

 

none the less, love this one!

[Aleksandra]

I don't pretend that I understand it totally, but I think it has your usual style of sharpness in your word choice, phrasing which has a penetrating feel.

 

Best,

 

Lake

 

Ah, Lake :). Thank you for you being sincere with me. Even for me is not so understandable :). I had one point in my head while I was writing, and then simply that point has gone from me, and I stayed as you, not truly knowing what the poet tries to tell ;).

Thank you.

 

Hi Alek,

 

I often feel this way... your piece brings to mind what I call schmarminess (though that's probably a bastardization of the Yiddish). The choice of words "bleed quiescence from silence and peddle it to the numb" evokes the image of a natural salesman (the same one who can sell ice to an Eskimo, as the cliche goes), but not in a good way - a brilliant rebirth of the metaphor. And "dawdle with the success of losers" is perfectly ambivalent... Does he entertain a loser-like version of success for himself, or is he entertained by interfering with the success of people less fortunate than he? Probably both. Even the title is fantastic. (Is it some sort of sign that I assumed the subject was male?) :icon_razz:

 

The whole thing is fabulously devilish. "you never get zero in the end. What are you?", as if you are disgusted by the whole scenario. I love it!

 

I could read this all day... and most likely will. Thanks!

 

~Rachel

 

Rachel, thank you for your comment, and you read this poem good as well. You are right about the subject ;).

 

 

alek i made a very long response to this awhile ago. what happened to it?

 

victor

 

 

i like your sense of direction. the title is catchy and the poem is a well versed poem. I'm going to get more in depth later. I'm upset that my response is not here.

 

Sorry, Victor. It seems something happen to the connection or your log in has expired while writing your comment. I appreciate your comment.

 

I LOVE this work...

the "what are you?" does trip me a tiny bit though- makes me wonder if its intended as a riddle, which I didnt think it was...

 

none the less, love this one!

 

Yes, now when I read this poem back, really looks as a riddle but, no it's not :). But I wish I make one lol :).

 

Thank you, rumisong and sorry for coming back so late to respond on your comments. I read them back then, but now I get into it to make my reply back.

 

Aleksandra