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badger11

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Rumours whisper within the breeze,

rippling the twisted tree, slicing open

the apple core; promises to break

the speckled skin, spilling the yolk

across the starry sky to morning light,

cascading seed that hums a theme

so warm with summer rain that falls

beyond Adam's scented garden.

Edited by badger11
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What I like in this poem? Its enjambment, how badger breaks up the thought within the line, and its internal rhyming.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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What I like in this poem? Its enjambment, how badger breaks up the thought within the line, and its internal rhyming.

 

Thank you JJ. Form is after all my reason for writing.

 

badge

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It's the enigmatic reference to "garden", "apple core" and "his stain" that attract me. I like "that hums a theme." A land thirsty for rain.

 

Best,

 

Lake

 

Thanks Lake. Pleased you found the religious imagery a hook.

 

badge

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There's something regionally unique about your lyrics that's nevertheless without bounds, Badge. There's the recurring theme of two, in nature, presumably held in check by certain rules, on an honor system, yet freed by the laws of nature, as if on a temporary reprieve. I do wish you would tell about your PLACE

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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I wanted to mention that I detected an Adam and Eve theme before you even did your edits, but I didn't want to be presumptuous. What I was going to say was that I got a sense of Adam and Eve in the Garden before God confronted them and asked Adam how he knew he was naked. I'm not sure what the time frame was in the Biblical story, but I felt your poem focused on those moments in a "time stands still" kind of way. As I mentioned in my previous comment, I sensed the time was like a reprieve, almost carefree.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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I wanted to mention that I detected an Adam and Eve theme before you even did your edits, but I didn't want to be presumptuous. What I was going to say was that I got a sense of Adam and Eve in the Garden before God confronted them and asked Adam how he knew he was naked. I'm not sure what the time frame was in the Biblical story, but I felt your poem focused on those moments in a "time stands still" kind of way. As I mentioned in my previous comment, I sensed the time was like a reprieve, almost carefree.

 

Tony

 

Please presume as much as you need Tony. It helps me.

 

Thanks again for leaving your comments.

 

badge

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Rumours whisper within the breeze,

rippling the twisted tree, slicing open

the apple core; promises to break

the speckled skin, spilling the yolk

across the starry sky to morning light,

cascading seed that hums a theme

so warm with summer rain that falls

beyond Adam's scented garden.

 

 

Hi Badge, This poem is so rich in sound and sight and content that I read it several times savoring its wholeness before looking closely at its individual components.

 

I love its compact core, primarily an 8 X 8 poem with 2 minor diversions which give it texture. The alliteration, internal rhyme, enjambed lines all skillfully move the reader on to its conclusion. It is tight and clean and musical. Not much more one could ask for.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Rumours whisper within the breeze,

rippling the twisted tree, slicing open

the apple core; promises to break

the speckled skin, spilling the yolk

across the starry sky to morning light,

cascading seed that hums a theme

so warm with summer rain that falls

beyond Adam's scented garden.

 

 

Hi Badge, This poem is so rich in sound and sight and content that I read it several times savoring its wholeness before looking closely at its individual components.

 

I love its compact core, primarily an 8 X 8 poem with 2 minor diversions which give it texture. The alliteration, internal rhyme, enjambed lines all skillfully move the reader on to its conclusion. It is tight and clean and musical. Not much more one could ask for.

 

~~Tink

 

Thanks Tink. I'm still clustering my sound patterns too closely, but practice will hopefully bring more subtle attempts.

 

badge

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As far I am from the form itself, that close I am to the poem naked, without knowing about the form inside. I loved this poem badge, and I think is one of your best. It has everything that a poem should have, sound, feelings, even it has a face. It's a wonderful poetical composition.

 

Well done.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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As far I am from the form itself, that close I am to the poem naked, without knowing about the form inside. I loved this poem badge, and I think is one of your best. It has everything that a poem should have, sound, feelings, even it has a face. It's a wonderful poetical composition.

 

Well done.

 

Aleksandra

 

Aleks you speak from the heart and I can feel your response from so far away...

 

badge

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