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unpracticed curtain


dr_con

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unpracticed curtain

 

The smell of soybacon permeates the room

My partner is a vegetarian and a humanitarian

I tease her about her likely cannibalism inevitably

the submission of her act

becoming fully a cat

love becomes food

 

Considering these points the one that moves

in the long grass or root and branch thicket

is the inevitable commonality of want

it attracts attention amid this ebb

this flow the rustle of motion

within the sense box

that differs between

prey and hunter

me and you

Or

 

a body naked and personal

not dead but bearing that way

(You correct me point out inevitability)

I sigh So what these moments observing

the future and the past of this now- history

suspended- holding- having- that illuminated

suchness leaping off the page sweatiness

truthiness beingness all just predictions

like rain or sun or continuity simply Ah!

among the furry duff spreading- it’s

nutrition the deep loam of as it is

here among the ghost forests

prairies deserts and land

that defy the clink

or the boom

 

of this modernity this poorly served plate

our common fears held too high

It tips and spills significantly

among us.

Edited by dr_con

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

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unpracticed curtain

 

The smell of soybacon permeates the room

My partner is a vegetarian and a humanitarian

I tease her about her likely cannibalism the sub-

mission of act to being a cat love becomes food ---- L4

Considering these points the one that moves

in the long grass or root and branch thicket

is the inevitable commonality of want

it attracts attention amid this ebb

this flow the rustle of motion

within the sense box

that differs between

prey and hunter

me and you

Or

 

a body naked and personal

not dead but bearing that way

(You correct me point out inevitability)

I sigh So what these moments observing

the future and the past of this now- history

suspended- holding- having- that illuminated

suchness leaping off the page sweatiness

truthiness beingness all just predictions

like rain or sun or continuity simply Ah!

among the furry duff spreading- it's

nutrition the deep loam of as it is

here among the ghost forests

prairies deserts and land

that defy the clink

or the boom

 

of this modernity this poorly served plate

our common fears held too high

It tips and spills significantly

among us.

 

Hi DC, I was fine reading this poem until L4 which makes no sense to me as written. I just got zapped by WW for lack of punctuation in my "unidentified" and he made some good points from the readers perspective. But I felt the line breaks sufficient to make the piece work and left it pretty much the same. So I understand where you are coming from by not using punctuation. However the only way I could read L4 to make sense was to pause after "cat" making "love becomes food" a statement in itself. Once isolated, the phrase is enlightening, I love it. Maybe I am just slow, but it took me several reads to separate it. If this was your meaning, I think something has to substitute for punctuation if you are not going to use it. The line is too good to throw away which is what I almost did in frustration.

 

Once I got past L4, the whole thing seemed to come together, for me L4 was key to the poem. You made me work a bit to get it but it was worth it.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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DC, I never thought eating a dish from a "poorly served plate" could be so profound.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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Tink, JJ

 

Many thanks for the feedback- I have revised it a bit- My partner also stuck on that line, and I sorta left it in childish rebellion, since, of course, it made perfect sense to me;-)

 

So, my poem, my form I'll play it as i Please;-)

 

HA!

 

Many, many Thanks!

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

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I like how you capture this moment, every moment, no two of which are the same:

 

I sigh So what these moments observing

the future and the past of this now- history

suspended- holding- having- that illuminated

suchness leaping off the page sweatiness

truthiness beingness all just predictions

like rain or sun or continuity simply Ah!

among the furry duff spreading- it’s

nutrition the deep loam of as it is

here among the ghost forests

prairies deserts and land

that defy the clink

or the boom

 

of this modernity this poorly served plate

our common fears held too high

It tips and spills significantly

among us.

... simply Ah! "Ghost forests" and "lands that defy the clink or the boom" are wondrous.

 

Well done ... on the soy bacon, too, please!

 

Tony :)

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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..........this poorly served plate

our common fears held too high

It tips and spills significantly

among us.

 

Wonderful closing of a wonderful composition. I like how you write in series. You must be so inspired, DC :).

Waiting for more.

 

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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