goldenlangur Posted October 29, 2010 Share Posted October 29, 2010 When the sun sinks and everything turns pale gold, pink, then violet I think of stepping through the full moon back into waiting whorls of gleaming tissues pulsing with my parents’ dream. Stained only with her blood I am as yet free of all stains. I breathe to her heartbeat, hear snatches of things - her hiccup, his endearment, their sigh. The aperture to light is my expulsion into the wrath of life. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 29, 2010 Share Posted October 29, 2010 Outrageously tight with incredible word choices. Waiting whorls, gleaming tissues, stained, snatches, hiccup, endearment -- on and on it goes. I absolutely love the aperture to light. This is world class writing. Thanks for sharing it here, Goldenlangur. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 Goldenlangur, at first this poem is very picturesque, I enjoyed the beginning. Here or there...this way or that way... maybe all is same... That is what I got in my mind while I was reading this poem. As Tony says, very good word choices, and I like how you combined them, which is most important. Well done. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 (edited) What an extraordinary, imaginative vision gl. I must let my eye dwell on the evening sky and moon more often! pulsing with my parents' dream. A dream that pulses seems so much more alive. I breathe to her heartbeat, succinctly, skillfully progressing, working the transition in the poem hear snatches of things - her hiccup, his endearment, their sigh. I love how you have pictured that moment of creation, the fragments threading to a unity. badge Edited October 31, 2010 by badger11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted October 31, 2010 Author Share Posted October 31, 2010 Hi Tony, I suppose something of the tightness of haiku form spills into my writing. ;) The detail you have picked took a while to take shape and I wasn't quite sure if it would work so you can imagine my delight at your commendation. World class writing :icon_redface: is such a generous comment! Thank you :D Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted October 31, 2010 Author Share Posted October 31, 2010 Goldenlangur, at first this poem is very picturesque, I enjoyed the beginning. H As Tony says, very good word choices, and I like how you combined them, which is most important. Well done. Aleksandra I am so glad that you enjoyed the opening descriptions, Aleksandra. This is a very perceptive reading: Here or there...this way or that way... maybe all is same... That is what I got in my mind while I was reading this poem. Thank you for the compliment on the word choice and my use. Like you I often try to translate thoughts from my own language into English and it is the feedback from readers in a forum like this that shows me if I am doing okay or if I am off the mark. Appreciate your support for my writing. :D Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted October 31, 2010 Author Share Posted October 31, 2010 I am really pleased, badge that you picked on this: I love how you have pictured that moment of creation, the fragments threading to a unity. In Tibetan Buddhism we believe (The Book of the Dead) that we choose our parents and witness the moment of our parents coupling. In a way we are proactive, if you like, in our birth. You're right. Certain times, particularly the liminal ones, can be quite inspiring :D So glad that the details you highlighted, work. Thank you. :D Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 Golden, Remarkable, truly... I've been dazzled by the poetry selections today, going from one absolute favorite to the next- but this is (being the last I read) very resonant with some of my own internal process- It resonated in its depth and its continuous unfolding... Lovely, DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 So much has been said by others I feel silly trying to put in my five cents. After re-reading to convince myself I see/hear what I first thought I did I say jolly well done and done w/quality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 Golden, This is deeply felt. A state of mind, the interaction between heart and soul. Very well conveyed. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted November 10, 2010 Author Share Posted November 10, 2010 Thank you, DC, WW and Lake for stopping by and posting your thoughts. DC - I enjoy your work and it's very encouraging to get a thumbs up from you. WW - Your five cents is much appreciated. Lake - So glad that you read the interplay of heart and mind. With appreciation. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 (edited) Another small note. An aperture is passive, not true for expulsion, a verb-noun. The aperture to light serves my expulsion into the wrath of life. Edited November 10, 2010 by waxwings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted November 13, 2010 Share Posted November 13, 2010 Hi gl, I like your new style of writing, it still has the intricate imagery of the poems I have come to expect from you, but the last few I have read including this one seem to be expanded, crafted with exquiste care and yet there is an abandon, a coloring outside of the lines that I had not seen before. This piece certainly has incredible imagery which others have already commented on. What I was so impressed with was the sonics of this piece. It was an adventure to read this out loud. I don't think I have ever found rhyme in your poetry before and I liked it. The content was extraordinary, I felt privileged that you shared this intimate moment. It was such a delightful surprise. I loved it. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted November 14, 2010 Author Share Posted November 14, 2010 Hi Tink, As you write fine poems yourself and your research on poetical form is truly admirably I am surprised and delighted by your generous commendation of my efforts to write a poem outside the Japanese short form genre. I am particularly pleased with this: What I was so impressed with was the sonics of this piece. It was an adventure to read this out loud. I don't think I have ever found rhyme in your poetry before and I liked it. ~~Tink Thank you so much for the encouragement. I am learning all the time. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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