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Dying Bird


Aleksandra

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Even the dead's eyes would be opened

by the wailing of this bird. For a brutal man

has crushed its wings under his feet

and said sorry to the bird.

 

And then he left, giggling,

with his arm around his woman,

without a second glance

at the bird he left behind.

 

The bird is no longer a bird,

and the man is no longer a man.

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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What haunting opening, Aleksandra:

 

Even the dead would open their eyes

from the wailing of this bird.

 

You capture well the callousness :

 

.

.. he left, giggling,

with his arm around his woman,

without a second glance

at the bird he left behind.

 

 

A powerful and unforgettable closure:

 

The bird is no longer a bird,

and the man is no longer a man.

 

The bird could symbolize so many things - the finer aspirations, transcendental illumination and beauty, freedom, love and the the brutal man represents the baser, more material antithesis.

 

 

I enjoyed this very much.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

powerful images that are concrete plain and clear for the reader to behold and swallow crisp perfect details. loved it.

 

victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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Marvelous poem. The closing lines are what really make it. I see you have made the title better. It was the gerund that did not fit.

 

Would it matter if you were to change to the more commonly used "eyes would be opened by", i.e., switching to passive voice, the agent being the sound the bird makes, rather than "eyes would open from", a rather odd preposition to be used w/ the verb "open", except for some few specific cases.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wow Aleks, You poem sets the scene with perfectly condensed imagery, you provide just enough detail for the reader to see the crushed bird clearly but don't bog the poem down with the gorey details and you leave us with something to ponder. I loved it.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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A powerful and unforgettable closure:

 

The bird is no longer a bird,

and the man is no longer a man.

 

The bird could symbolize so many things - the finer aspirations, transcendental illumination and beauty, freedom, love and the the brutal man represents the baser, more material antithesis.

 

 

I enjoyed this very much.

 

 

 

Goldenlangur, thank you so much. You read this poem very well, as always. I am happy you enjoyed this poem.

 

Wow, Aleks a grim and poignant piece- clear images and a universal reflection...

 

Many Thanks,

 

DC&J

 

Glad you like it, Juris. Thank you.

 

 

powerful images that are concrete plain and clear for the reader to behold and swallow crisp perfect details. loved it.

 

victor

 

Vic, thank you for the comment. I hope you are fine.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Marvelous poem. The closing lines are what really make it. I see you have made the title better. It was the gerund that did not fit.

 

Would it matter if you were to change to the more commonly used "eyes would be opened by", i.e., switching to passive voice, the agent being the sound the bird makes, rather than "eyes would open from", a rather odd preposition to be used w/ the verb "open", except for some few specific cases.

 

Well, waxwings, thank you for catching it. I agree with your suggestion. I'll fix that part. Glad you liked the title.

 

 

Alek,

 

Very acute observation and powerful statement at the end.

 

Enjoyed as always.

 

Lake

 

Thank you, Lake. Seems the ending lines are the best part in this poem. All of you who commented on this poem, likes that part. Thank you so much.

 

I told you this poem was first rate, powerful, Alek. It's extreme. This reader is repulsed by the "man."

 

Tony

And it should be, Tony. :) I like how you say that this poem is extreme. I like it. Thank you.

 

 

Wow Aleks, You poem sets the scene with perfectly condensed imagery, you provide just enough detail for the reader to see the crushed bird clearly but don't bog the poem down with the gorey details and you leave us with something to ponder. I loved it.

 

~~Tink

 

Thanks, Judi. I am pleased with your comment. I love the pondering part when I read, also.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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