goldenlangur Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Through the Open Window (haibun) PROMPTS of the last few days. Through the open window I follow the old stone bridge. The frost on the moss along the curve of its arch glints in the dawn. I cannot remember how many times I’ve stood here waiting for you, never knowing if you will answer my call. Your silence condemns me to a life forever in eclipse. This cacophony of questions in my head taunts like fragments of a forgotten melody etched in the recesses of my memory beyond reach. But I cannot let go of the moment when you crossed the threshold of your world into mine. In the fog of feverish slumber I look for the last boat to the paradise I sensed in your presence. Orion is the accursed witness of our encounter. He hunts the sky as I roam the forests in shadow. But he offers no solace. The limpid eyes of the spring moon mock my dilemma. Will I be stranded forever in doubt? My fragile hold on hope slips each time I pass this empty stone bridge. first spring dawn - I pour tea into our cups and remember I’m alone 1 hour I tried writing this haibun - a Japanese prose poem which uses a haiku either in the body of the prose or at the end, just to give the prompts a bit of try in poetry. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 The frost on the moss along the curve of its arch glints in the dawn. A lovely image gl. first spring dawn - I pour tea into our cups and remember I’m alone ...and the haiku was inspired. many thanks badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Love it gl, Your prose is poetry and Badger just pointed out the lines that also sent my mind reeling by their beauty. I haven't posted Haibun in the Verse Forms section yet. Partly because I keep wanting to write one first. Most haibuns I have seen have 2 or even 3 haiku disbursed between prose. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 Thank you very much badge for the read and I'm so glad that the image you've highlighted works for you. Re the haiku at the end I was quite surprised where the prompts took me ! goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 Hi Tink, You're spot on here: Tinker wrote: .... Most haibuns I have seen have 2 or even 3 haiku disbursed between prose. ~~Tink Some even have an opening haiku and indeed haibun gives one quite a bit of freedom to explore. I hope you will give it a try and post some here. Thank you for your encouraging words of appreciation for this effort. The prompts veered me to a theme which I was unsure of, till the very end! goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I've always enjoyed your haibuns,Goldenlangur. The prose parts of this one are especially poetic and musical. The frost on the moss adds a sense of loneness for me: it's likely that there are less people out on a chilly morning. I like how you say that nature mocks your predicament: But he (Orion) offers no solace. The limpid eyes of the spring moon mock my dilemma. I also like how you show that the narrator's rituals and routines diminish his hope and reinforce his despair: My fragile hold on hope slips each time I pass this empty stone bridge. The haiku is especially striking: first spring dawn - I pour tea into our cups and remember I’m alone [emphasis mine] The bolded words are very powerful, and they sum it all up. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 Hi Tony, I like the way you reflect on this haibun and particularly appreciate how you've honed into certain aspects of it which I had hope would come through the morass of nature descriptions, I seem to run into in a prompt response! With grateful thanks, goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 This is simply - wonderful The sadly tone captures and here I feel melancholy and some scepticism: I cannot remember how many times I’ve stood here waiting for you, never knowing if you will answer my call. Your silence condemns me to a life forever in eclipse. This expression I loved and I think is so original and strong: My fragile hold on hope slips each time I pass this empty stone bridge And then haiku hits and comes after a part where somehow the hope is going away - expressed over empty stone bridge and the the last line in haiku: first spring dawn - I pour tea into our cups and remember I’m alone Goldenlangur, This haibun is wonderful written. I never tried something like this, but I found so beautiful form and so interesting. This gives some ways more for expressing. Well done GL Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pawn shop Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Very romantic ! And this isn't the first romantic poem by you that has made me smile and take a deep breath of....wow..... Orion was an awesome thing to add to the mixture.... love the dangerous night mood of lonliness ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 Thank you very much pawn shop for your reflections here. I'm pleased that the dark tone of the piece came through for you. with appreciation, goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Golden ah, tonight I am reading again some interesting posts here . I really like this form - haibun. I must try. Yours provokes me to do it and try. Much enjoyed again Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 Hi Aleksandra, I hope you will try the haibun - it has quite a wide range of possibilities - journal, autobiographical sketches, diary, even fictional account with the haiku extending the prose in some unexpected direction. Quite challenging and liberating too! aleksandra wrote: I really like this form - haibun. I must try. Yours provokes me to do it and try. Aleksandra I look forward to a haibun by you goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 The frost on the moss along the curve of its arch glints in the dawn. Beatiful! Awesome GL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 Thank you summayya very much for your generous comment. I'm pleased that you enjoyed this image. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Hi goldenlangur WoW, it's a brainstorming haikun that just blew a gust over my imaginaion. Though i don't know much about haibun or haiku and i never read before, it's truly a full jar of moods which ahs the ability to strike one's mind and compell one to see this way! Especially these verses are extraordinary amongst all the excellent verses! ............Your silence condemns me to a life forever in eclipse...... ......In the fog of feverish slumber I look for the last boat to the paradise I sensed in your presence..... that's all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 Hi Bloodyday, You're too generous in your appreciation of my writing efforts. But I'm delighted that you enjoyed the haibun form. Tink has posted a great account of this Japanese form in the forum for Asian Poetry and I hope that you will, in the many moons of your stay here, give this form a try. We also have a Prompts thread where titles are posted for the day or more and we try and write a piece using the prompt titles - either poetry or prose. With appreciation, goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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