moonqueen Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) tides of pain her life ever steeped in reality, disbelief streams through her body, riding the swell from her heart to her outmost reaches. scrape away her facade, behold the detriment. observe her essence, ruptured. tormented ships sail into her senses. he submerges her brights and leaves dark despondency from which she cannot escape; adrift in an anguish she is incompetent to navigate. 02-20-11-rev. ©tlp 2010 Edited February 20, 2011 by moonqueen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 A bitter pill beautifully hidden beneath honeyed images- Nice work! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Hi moonqueen, I immediately relate your name (moon) to the title (tides), is that the pull of the moon that causes tides? :) Well played. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) Thanks, doc, always glad to have you stop by and chat. Lake, you will find, my friend the moon is a frequent visitor in my work. Yes, it affects the oceans' tides. Can't explain why but I have an affinity for the moon. Thanks for taking precious time to read and comment. t Edited March 9, 2011 by moonqueen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Is it a sharp pain? No, it's more like an ache that won't go away. I like this compact piece, Moonqueen, especially the last verse. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 It's never an easy task to find suitable visual imagery to illustrate the highs and lows of a relationship. You have worked this well and the lines undulate like waves. G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Hello Tammi, How vividly you bring to life the systematic undermining of a person's sense of self worth and identity: he submerges her brights and leaves dark despondency from which she cannot escape; adrift in an anguish she is incompetent to navigate. The sense one gets from your imagery is the depths of despair and hopelessness of the person, who is stripped of her own sense of who she is: tides of pain her life ever steeped in reality, disbelief streams through her body, riding the swell from her heart to her outmost reaches. Powerful and thought-provoking. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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