moonqueen Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 wouldn't matter clouds, as black as night itself, attempt to conceal a full moon so profuse with our witnessed secrets as to over plump his sad broad face. we know of sunbursts, starbursts, cloudbursts and microbursts; if supernal fate orchestrated a 'moonburst' would silver dust float those light seconds to earth settle upon our hair, our shoulders, and in so doing, broadcast our private puzzles and who would care by then? 03-10-11 ©tlp 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 wouldn't matter clouds, as black as night itself, attempt to conceal a full moon so profuse with our witnessed secrets as to over plump his sad broad face. we know of sunbursts, starbursts, cloudbursts and microbursts; if supernal fate orchestrated a 'moonburst' would silver dust float those light seconds to earth settle upon our hair, our shoulders, and in so doing, broadcast our private puzzles and who would care by then? 03-10-11 ©tlp 2011 Many unique and appealing images here, may be genius shining through from the lunar blooming and waning of moonqueen: silver dust floating in light seconds; if supernal fate orchestrated a 'moonburst'; a moon so full his/her? face plumps. A lot of work to condense so many images into so few words. Great work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Ooooo Yummy.......... I love the imagery that seamlessly flows from one to another. I thought this quite romantic and was a little puzzled by "it wouldn't matter" and "who would care?". ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) Franklin, thank you for such kind words, they mean so much to me, you know. Tink. Thank you for 'seeing' what I try to create with imagery. "...who would care..." The N thinks how if the moon exploded and all its secrets came drifting to earth in that "silver dust", everyone would see and then the realization that if it were to happen, there would probably be more interest in the moon's situation than in the secrets of others (or who is looking at our own). Just silly thoughts. As for the title, it ties back to the whole "...who would care..." thing. It wouldn't matter. Titles are the bane of my poetic existence. I realize it's the title that usually pulls a reader in, but why I cannot come up with anything 'catchy', I don't know. Often, I just take a word or phrase from the piece, itself. I am always open to title suggestions. Just as I am not necessarily married to that final question. If it makes sense without it, I could just as easily slash it. Funny how much sense it all makes to us as we write it and read it back, I am surprised everytime someone does not understand or sees something I didn't even know was there. Part of the joy. Edited March 13, 2011 by moonqueen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatekeeper Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I got it, not on the first read, maybe, but that's normal. I don't have a title problem here. I have sometimes been advised that my poem was somewhat of a surprise, given its title. Who knew? There certainly are poems that don't come across and yet the poet is very comfortable that it works. I seem to see a lot of that, though not the case here). Not enough said? Wouldn't reveal important parts? Thought obscure was cool? I guess that is the poet's edge. Quote from the black desert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Hi Tammi Some enjoyable imagery to conjure with here. Clouds aiding and abetting the moon, a kind of nocturnal voyeur. After you'd personalised the moon with “as to over plump his sad/ broad face” I almost felt a certain sympathy at the thought of a face, on an over inflated balloon exploding. It reminded me a little of the myth in which Pandora's box was opened. G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I like it, Tammi. Though titled "wouldn't matter," the poem itself seems to ask "Would it matter?" I love the sunburst/starburst/cloudburst/microburst trope, and the part about the moondust broadcasting "our private puzzles" gives the effect of a double-take, followed by relief obtained from the concluding couplet. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Gatekeeper, G & Tony, thanks to all of you for the time you took to read and comment on my piece. Of course, Tony, you realize that once you make a suggestion to a poet and they choose to use it, it belongs to them, right? Isn't that part of the unwritten Poet's Code? I am considering changing the title to would it matter? It seems more appropriate to ask than to simply state that it would not. Tam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Of course, Tony, you realize that once you make a suggestion to a poet and they choose to use it, it belongs to them, right? Isn't that part of the unwritten Poet's Code? I am considering changing the title to would it matter? It seems more appropriate to ask than to simply state that it would not. I like it, Tammi. After all, I find myself taking a lot of suggestions, so it's good to know they're mine. ;) But you know, what I wrote was merely subliminally suggestive and doesn't even count as an outright suggestion. Therefore, if you do make the change, what I said is anyway a moot point, and the change is yours through and through! Tony :) PS -- re "wouldn't matter" as opposed to "would it matter?" I kind of like how the poem screams, "Would it matter?" yet the title answers, "Wouldn't matter." It's a tough call, lol Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Of course, Tony, you realize that once you make a suggestion to a poet and they choose to use it, it belongs to them, right? Isn't that part of the unwritten Poet's Code? I am considering changing the title to would it matter? It seems more appropriate to ask than to simply state that it would not. I like it, Tammi. After all, I find myself taking a lot of suggestions, so it's good to know they're mine. ;) But you know, what I wrote was merely subliminally suggestive and doesn't even count as an outright suggestion. Therefore, if you do make the change, what I said is anyway a moot point, and the change is yours through and through! Tony :) PS -- re "wouldn't matter" as opposed to "would it matter?" I kind of like how the poem screams, "Would it matter?" yet the title answers, "Wouldn't matter." It's a tough call, lol That's right, confuse me. laughing. I'll need to think about it for awhile, I guess. But thanks, either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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