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full moon - tanka


goldenlangur

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goldenlangur

monks chant

Book of the Dead

in early dawn

the full moon fades

I light a butter lamp

 

or

 

the monks chant

Book of the Dead

at dawn

the full moon fades

I light a butter lamp

 

 

 

 

 

Notes: (Tibetan) Book of the Dead is the main ritual text read at funerals in Bhutanese and other Tibetan Buddhist societies.

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Aleksandra

goldenlangur wrote:

 

the monks chant

Book of the Dead

at dawn

the full moon fades

I light a butter lamp

 

Notes: (Tibetan) Book of the Dead is the main ritual text read at funerals in Bhutanese and other Tibetan Buddhist societies.

 

goldenlangur

 

Sounds wonderful and shows primeval, with spirit, and so poetical

 

I loved that version goldenlangur

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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goldenlangur

Thank you Aleksandra for your thoughts here. I'm glad that the ritual aspect comes across for you. Your choice of the second version has given me food for thought.

 

 

I appreciate your response.

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Hi

 

very nice 2 parts with 2 simple distinctions of time that brings a ritual environment- quite wonderful.

 

i have a lust to see such rituals as this is the connection between reality and after world.

 

i think if these parts could be extra long, perhaps i could have a more discriptive piture in dreams.

 

But truly great is your work and waiting to read more!

 

that's all!

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monks chant

Book of the Dead

in early dawn

the full moon fades

I light a butter lamp

 

or

 

the monks chant

Book of the Dead

at dawn

the full moon fades

I light a butter lamp

 

Hi Golden,

 

I prefer a hybrid of the two:

 

monks chant

Book of the Dead

at dawn

the full moon fades

I light a butter lamp

 

Perhaps the last line could even be something that leaves out the first person: butter lamps flare (which I like because of rhythm/syllables) or my butter lamp flares (more syllables).

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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goldenlangur

Hi Bloodyday,

 

You're quite right - the death rites do connect life, the bardo ( intermediate state) and the next incarnation. For us, Tibetan Buddhists funerary rites are the most important ritual of all for an individual. So I'm grateful for your interest.

 

And again you're right - more details of the actual rites would work in a poem. But as this is a tanka - the Japanese 5 line lyric poem, I focused on the principal images and the emotions ( which tanka requires/allows).

 

Thank you for your thoughts. I've enjoyed this exchange.

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

Hi Tony,

 

You make a valid point about sonority and the use of the "first person" in a tanka. I like your idea of the hybrid version and will certainly give some thought to the tweaking of the final line.

 

with appreciation,

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Hi again GL,

 

I have no problem with the use of the first person in a tanka; I know very little about this fascinating form. I just thought, that if you were to say, "My butter lamp flares," it would also show that the narrator lit the butterlamp.

 

I hope you will share whichever version you decide to adopt. I'm looking forward to it!

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Hi GL

 

 

I just posted a quick reply on this but the system lost it.

 

To reiterate. I preferred the second version - more lyrical I think.

 

It's only in the final line that the importance of the ritual to the MC is exposed to the reader.

 

A moving write conveying emotion and imagery with very few words.

 

Cheers

 

Mike

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goldenlangur

Hi Tony,

 

Thank you for returning with your thoughts. I am new to this form and feedback like yours help me to think and improve. The point about the "first person" is quite crucial. As I read more about this form I find how Japanese tanka writers show remarkable subtlety and deftness in using this fist person voice without drowning the narrative. So I was rather taken with your comments.

 

tonyv wrote:

 

I have no problem with the use of the first person in a tanka; I know very little about this fascinating form. I just thought, that if you were to say, "My butter lamp flares," it would also show that the narrator lit the butterlamp.

Tony

 

So thank you for your trouble and help. I'm trying out the various scenarios to come up with another version.

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

Hi Mike,

 

I know well this scenario!:

Billydo wrote:

 

I just posted a quick reply on this but the system lost it.

Mike

 

So thank you for taking the trouble to return with another post. Yes, it seems the second version is more popular. I'm working on this tanka and your comments are helpful in this rewrite.

 

Good to see you around!

 

With appreciation.

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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I have read one religious text in its entirety and that was the Tibetan Book Of The Dead. can be very confusing. I guess the individual in the Bardo state would understand the directions. the butter lamp makes me think of another Tibetan thing. lightly buttered and salted tea. I think it is called bo cha.

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goldenlangur

Hello Jalfrezi,

 

I'm impressed your reading the Book of the Dead - a tome of no mean length and depth and central to the death rites in Tibetan Buddhist societies.

 

Yes, the chief monk officiant of the death rites personalizes, if you like, the various passages about the dead's journey in the Bardo state. In the recitation of each relevant passage the name of the dead is included and special offerings and prayers are made. In this way the dead is guided through the Bardo state to a new birth.

 

Jalfrezi wrote:

 

I guess the individual in the Bardo state would understand the directions....

 

And you're spot on about the butter tea - a warming drink in the icy valleys. Bo ( with an umlaut) on the "O" is the the Tibetan word for Tibet and "cha" as you know is "tea".

 

 

Thank you for your thoughts on this piece.

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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