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Love..


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Love

 

Through moons of starlit crystal bars

and dark blue wine perfumed bazaars

He threaded golden beaded love, embroidering

the stars

 

© Rea 8th May 2011

Love

Through moons of crystal bars

and dark blue wine bazaars

He threaded golden beaded love, embrodeiring

the stars

© Rea 8th May 2011

Edited by Rea
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A full on romantic concoction. bars/bazaars threaded/beaded - liked those as well as the 'dark blue wine' - the 'moons of starlit crystal' was overly poetic for my taste.

 

enjoyed

 

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There's an alfresco feel to this one, Rea. I like its compact form. (Is it a form? I can't place it ... )

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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A full on romantic concoction. bars/bazaars threaded/beaded - liked those as well as the 'dark blue wine' - the 'moons of starlit crystal' was overly poetic for my taste.

 

enjoyed

 

badge

 

 

Hello Badger

I have posted this poem the way I originally wrote it, if it was too poetic for you, I failed to achieve.

Thank you for commenting.

Best wishes

Rea

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I have posted this poem the way I originally wrote it, if it was too poetic for you, I failed to achieve.

 

 

Not really Rea, although I enjoyed the parts rather than the whole, it is a poem that will appeal to many. The beauty of this forum is that it accommodates many writing styles and reading tastes. It is richer forum to participate in for that reason.

 

cheers

 

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Edited by badger11
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Hello Rea. Perhaps it's my earthy disposition, but it triggered a vision of those 'crystal moons of mirrored glass' that revolve, with spotlights playing on them; shooting out little darts of light at all within their range who are seeking love. Benjamin.

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Hi Rhea, This is truly lovely. It is such a fantacy of love the way we hope it would be. I loved the images... thought I think I prefer the bottom version best, it just seemed to flow more fluidly. I don't know which is the revision. Either way it is beautiful.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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  • 2 months later...
Larsen M. Callirhoe

i like the bottom version better in my narrow-minded opinion. but both are very lovely. the second showed more then told. the first had a few extra adjectives that revealed by telling more by implicating what expressions the reader should have, while the second version minus a few words showed what the reader might visualise with telling them.

 

 

 

loved it either way.

 

victor michael

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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