eclipse Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 I was born under a full moon on a night train my father an ironsmith made steel for the tracks and now that full moon has become my bane. I lost my brother Abel my name is Cain Now I drive a train my maker wants his tax I was born under a full moon on a night train. Driving I saw a wolf in a trap beneath the rain Snake river swallowed the moon, wolves drank in packs and now that full moon has become my bane. In a tunnel my passengers wait for the sun in vain In a meadow a farmer vexes a lamb with an axe I was born under a full moon on a night train. Traveling across a windless sunless plain bearded men empty crucifixes out of sacks and now that full moon has become my bane. To the passengers I must really explain I don't exist, only as one of my makers acts I was born under a full moon on a night train and now that full moon has become my bane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 What an intriguing subject matter you've incorporated into a villanelle. Impressive writing, Eclipse! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Unusual imagery and subject matter in what can be a claustrophobic form of writing. Well worked.Benjamin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abstrect-christ Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 everything's said -- nicely done. Quote Pinhead "Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh." Joey "I don't believe you." Pinhead "Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart." "There's a starving beast inside my chestplaying with me until he's boredThen, slowly burying his tusks in my fleshcrawling his way out he rips open old woundsWhen I reach for the knife placed on the bedside tableits blade reflects my determined faceto plant it in my chestand carve a hole so deep it snaps my veinsHollow me out, I want to feel empty"-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreakerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8 "Sky turns to a deeper grey the sun fades by the moon hell's come from the distant hills tortures dreams of the doomed and they pray, yet they prey and they pray, still they prey"-- "Still They Prey" by Coughhttps://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Villanelle is one of those traditional form I love. And the repetition emphasizes the centralness of the full moon and the associated imagery of the full moon. I love it eclipse. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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