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tonyv

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My own road widened on or about year three.
   There was no conscious straying from the stroll
   Or noticeable cession of the soul;
   Nobody caught it then, not even me.
That which had been a rut had since become
   A turnpike; I was west, and she was east.
   It never crossed our minds, not in the least--
   The sickling in remission could succumb.
There was no turning back: I was a whore
   Though not for money, drugs, or social class
   (To date, there was an heiress in my life);
Nothing that mattered mattered any more;
   This angler became the angled, and alas!
   When lured, he took to bed a fisher's wife.

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

wow thi reminded me of forbidden pasion and love. well done poem my friend tony,

 

victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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Aleksandra

Ah what a complex and complicated poem Tony. This poem shows some other part from the soul and life. The inner voice here works so well.

Often the person is in the same condition when starts to think differently or deeper. We can find us on some unknown way / road / world. But sometimes as you expressed , there is no coming back. What is done it's done.

 

In this poem you use some unit expressions and words. This was hard read for me, but I got it. And what is coming on the end of all? - We can see the paradox of life. What you wanted to do, it's done to you icon_smile.gif But always is like that, for good , or for bad, always. icon_smile.gif

 

A specially loved the first line how is expressed.

 

My own road widened on or about year three.

That gives me some other dimension of poetry. Also the title too. Works so good and so special. Sound somehow mysteriously, deep, wonderful.

 

The poem hides few parts and I like how that you managed. Because in that way it is so easy to lost your way of writing and so easy to lost the sense of the poem.

 

I loved this poem. This one took me a lot of time but I am happy bc I got it icon_smile.gif

And yes this is example how the life could be ironically, and to understand all paradox inside.

 

I am proud of you for this poem Tony. This is so hard to write, and you done this so professional.

 

Thank you so much for writing this and sharing

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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goldenlangur

Hi Tony,

 

Your poem is excellent when read out aloud. The "O" sounds throughout have an echoing effect and this together with the word play, particularly here makes it a poetical delight and also inspiring to read:

 

"Nothing that mattered mattered any more;

This angler became the angled, and alas!

He took the bait and bed a fisher's wife."

 

I must say that it was the sounds and your images which completely absorbed my attention. The one motif which did strike me was that when the time comes for something - like the parting you seem to allude to here - nothing can stop it or put back the clock. Then one is left with a retrospective weighing of what factors might have/not have contributed the painful parting of ways. The

 

There's an underlying sense of how inevitable it seems with the distance of time and feelings:

 

 

---

That which had been a rut had since become

---A turnpike; I was west, and she was east.

---It never crossed our minds, not in the least--

---

 

 

I could be well off the mark in my reading. But nonetheless this is a splendid work, which gives the reader much tot enjoy and mull over.

 

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Thanks, friends, for your kind replies.

 

Yes, Victor, there are certain aspects touched upon in the poem that could be considered "forbidden" that hopefully don't rise to the level of seedy. Thank you for your kind words.

 

Thank you, Alek, for the time you put into this one. I know it was a difficult one to understand -- I still wonder if it's too obscure for even an English expert -- and I appreciate your thoughtful, on-point analysis. I, too, like the first line; I had hoped that the "road" mentioned would become the primary metaphor.

 

Thank you, Golden, for pointing out the sonics. It makes me happy that the poem is working on that level, and I agree -- it should be read aloud.

 

I did discover a flaw in the last line. I intended to use the word bed as a verb. Now that I have gone back and checked my dictionary, I have discovered that the past tense of "to bed" is bedded. icon_redface.gif I might have to slightly alter that line, but I will try to not radically alter the sonics. Maybe it's an acceptable application of poetic license. Perhaps bed' (with an apostrophe)? icon_rolleyes.gif I dunno ...

 

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Aleksandra

Ah Tony but this sounds same beautiful and hard too. icon_smile.gif with and without bed point as a verb. icon_smile.gif

 

It is clear what means lol icon_biggrin.png

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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goldenlangur

Hi again Tony,

 

Now that you point out, I must say that I had no problem with "bed". For what it's worth I think "bedded" would not unbalance the sonority, whereas "bed's" would mean something else!

 

 

tonyv wrote:

 

I did discover a flaw in the last line. I intended to use the word bed as a verb. Now that I have gone back and checked my dictionary, I have discovered that the past tense of "to bed" is bedded. icon_redface.gif I might have to slightly alter that line, but I will try to not radically alter the sonics. Maybe it's an acceptable application of poetic license. Perhaps bed' (with an apostrophe)? icon_rolleyes.gif I dunno ...

 

Tony

 

Just me thinking aloud - not sure if this is of any help.

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Ah Tony but this sounds same beautiful and hard too. icon_smile.gif with and without bed point as a verb. icon_smile.gif

 

It is clear what means lol icon_biggrin.png

 

Aleksandra

 

Thanks, Alek, but I want the language to be correct! icon_rolleyes.gif At least the best I can do ...

 

But I'm glad the meaning is clear. Your comments make me icon_smile.gif !

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Hi again Tony,

 

Now that you point out, I must say that I had no problem with "bed". For what it's worth I think "bedded" would not unbalance the sonority, whereas "bed's" would mean something else!

 

 

tonyv wrote:

 

I did discover a flaw in the last line. I intended to use the word
bed
as a verb. Now that I have gone back and checked my dictionary, I have discovered that the past tense of "to bed" is
bedded
.
icon_redface.gif
I might have to slightly alter that line, but I will try to not radically alter the sonics. Maybe it's an acceptable application of poetic license. Perhaps bed' (with an apostrophe)?
icon_rolleyes.gif
I dunno ...

 

Tony

Just me thinking aloud - not sure if this is of any help.

 

goldenlangur

 

Thanks, Golden. I liked the line as it was, too, but had to edit it. It doesn't seem as strong, but until I think of something better, I'll leave it. Thank you for your continued support.

 

Tony icon_smile.gif

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