Rea Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) I wept in time to silent nights, where tears weave mantelled sparkling lights I wept in time to roses, bloom, a budding blossom, a spring time tune I wept in time to misted rain that lapped with silence, crowned terrain I wept in time to beauty's youth where angels wept, clasping truth I wept in time to desert sands where orchids wild, sprinkled lands I wept in time to golden beach where ebbing tides wear floral wreaths I wept in time to distant drums that stole your heart, your spirit numbs. I wept beside your lonely tomb where blood red roses Spring time bloom © Rea 14th January 2011 In memory of.. I wept in time through silent nights where tears wove sparkling mantelled lights that trickled down a rose to bloom and mingled with it's sweet perfume I wept in time through misty rain on hills that formed a wild terrain adorned with beauty and with youth where angels reach out for the truth I wept in time on desert sand and strewed wild orchids on a land that swept down to a golden beach where ebbing tides wore floral wreaths I wept beside your lonely tomb where freshly garnered roses bloom -- Rea & Benjamin Thank you Benjamin, for revisions, it has made it more beautiful to read. A perfect tribute. Edited June 15, 2011 by Rea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Very impressive re-write, Rea. You've fixed the irregularities in the meter, improved the piece overall by reducing the amount of repetition so that it's just right, and fashioned the poem into a competent sonnet. Well done! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted June 18, 2011 Author Share Posted June 18, 2011 (edited) Very impressive re-write, Rea. You've fixed the irregularities in the meter, improved the piece overall by reducing the amount of repetition so that it's just right, and fashioned the poem into a competent sonnet. Well done! Tony Hello Tony I posted at the end of the revised poem, a thank you, to Benjamin for editing, original poem In relation to your comments, I did not change or alter the poem, Benjamin did, and fashioned the poem into a competent sonnet, so praise of "well done", should rightly go to Benjamin. Thank you for commenting. Best wishes Rea Edited June 19, 2011 by Rea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 A pleasure to be of assistance. Benjamin :icon_sunny: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 wow both versions are so amazing. i see the vision rea had and i felt in my heart what benjami's mind pictured. bravo to boh of you. rea it was a little choppy but benjain fixed it maybe to perfect wow. i hve had that done to a gew poems. wow! Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I wept in time to silent nights, where tears weave mantelled sparkling lights I wept in time to roses, bloom, a budding blossom, a spring time tune I wept in time to misted rain that lapped with silence, crowned terrain I wept in time to beauty's youth where angels wept, clasping truth I wept in time to desert sands where orchids wild, sprinkled lands I wept in time to golden beach where ebbing tides wear floral wreaths I wept in time to distant drums that stole your heart, your spirit numbs. I wept beside your lonely tomb where blood red roses Spring time bloom © Rea 14th January 2011 In memory of.. I wept in time through silent nights where tears wove sparkling mantelled lights that trickled down a rose to bloom and mingled with it's sweet perfume I wept in time through misty rain on hills that formed a wild terrain adorned with beauty and with youth where angels reach out for the truth I wept in time on desert sand and strewed wild orchids on a land that swept down to a golden beach where ebbing tides wore floral wreaths I wept beside your lonely tomb where freshly garnered roses bloom -- Rea & Benjamin Thank you Benjamin, for revisions, it has made it more beautiful to read. A perfect tribute. A wonderful read and concept about how we measure time. We each have a different clock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.