eclipse Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Asleep the robin saves his song the moon waits observes the shaking breast and he listens to the music in a dream that creates the morning hymn as last moonlight glistens an old lady hungry for some music feeds one hungry bird and he sings for brown bread tears fall from brown eyes one little bird leads to memories that soothe his breast of red shadows sing and memories on the wing leave an old lady, as one bird tires, moon comes and listens to music in two dreams swing the robin opens his wings, distant moon hums The little bird waits for his winter treat his friend passed away her song is complete. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 bravo. just amazing stuff eclipse. one of your best to date.i will stay a fan with numbers like this. i exalt you sir for awesome poem. victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Hi Barry, a nice venture into a time-honored form. I like the nuanced ethereal quality that infuses the piece, well suited to sonnet composition. More, please! - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 A practical parallel (by no means a ridiculous stretch) between the two finite, somehow connected lives that follows a logical progression from quatrains to concluding couplet. The moon is perfect padding (a nice touch), too. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted May 28, 2012 Author Share Posted May 28, 2012 padding? it's intergral Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 padding? Not in a bad way. Fills out the sonnet delightfully. Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted May 28, 2012 Author Share Posted May 28, 2012 anyway thank you everyone for your comments-barry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 A sound sonnet well accomplished Barry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted May 29, 2012 Author Share Posted May 29, 2012 does this sonnet feel like one long sentence? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 i am or was a bird watcher till i ened up tearing my rear-end open then having to move into a nursing home sadly. every sunrise my favorite part of day, peaceful, quiet, the birds chirping rain or shine, and you staring at gods marvelousness domain. this poem is lyrical, it sings to me and yes it flows like cream singing to me in one tidal wave that engulfs my literary senses. yes one long sentence indeed. keep writing im a fan of poetry like this at its best. victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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