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Poetry Magnum Opus

sonnet for Newcastle (practice)


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Please give me the grace of the Newcastle skies

allow me the powers of the mighty Tyne.

Moon on the waters-contact of allies

this is where the flesh waits for the divine.

The night rivers history walks with me

one seagull sits lightly on the river,

I watch below-the moonlit tapestry

in the sleeping locality dreams hover.

A veiled heart is salvaged from it's slumber

a crowds rapture is romanced in a net

Inside the stadium nine is the number

outside a statue fans will not forget.

Robson anticipates wisely the ascent

of Newcastle becoming the north's monument.

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I'm excited that you're focusing on sonnets, Barry. There are some nice rhymes in this one, and the couplet wraps up this celebration of the place quite well.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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  • 2 weeks later...
David W. Parsley

Barry, I too, follow with great interest your recent attempts at this challenging form. John Addington Symonds once called blank verse, "the meter of genius," stating that "it admits of no mediocrity; it is either dross or gold." He was speaking, of course, in the context of narrative verse. But in the realm of lyrical poetry, a similar claim can be made for its more challenging forms and the greatest poets have traditionally exercised themselves within them. Perhaps chief among them are the sonnet, the ode, and elegy. Welcome to the field of contest!

 

This particular piece strikes at the sonnet's origins, in that it commemorates or salutes someone or something. It is difficult to do this in modern poetry, for the simple reason that people are tired and suspicious of anything that might sound like a sales pitch. As I read in a critical article decades ago (maybe somebody can resurrect it), something to the effect that "it is hard to say anything with sincerity or conviction without making the reader think of advertisements for canned soup or toilet paper." In that spirit, I recommend caution in using terms like "grace", "mighty", "rapture", "romanced", "fans will not forget", "monument", etc.

 

As always beware repeition, such as "river" in consecutive lines. The sonnet form is particularly unforgiving.

 

Having started with the difficulties, let me salute some of the more original and evocative passages:

 

Moon on the waters-contact of allies

this is where the flesh waits for the divine.

The night rivers history walks with me

one seagull sits lightly ...

 

and

 

... moonlit tapestry

in the sleeping locality dreams hover.

A veiled heart is salvaged from it's slumber

 

The essence of lyric poetry!

- Dave

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David W. Parsley

not bad for an hour's work! I like the new av, too.

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  • 1 month later...

Hi eclipse, I enjoyed reading this piece. You introduced me to a place where before I had only heard the name. I had no idea of the beauty there. Reading your poem prompted me to google and see. And I can only assume the last part of the poem refers to a soccer field because I also googled Robson and found a soccer player, I assume that is who you refer to.

 

I love that you wrote this in Shakespearean Sonnet form although to my ear the rhythm is a little off. This particular form is primarily written in iambic pentameter and usually has a melodic rhythm. Your piece didn't quite capture that sound.

 

You indicated this was practice, well it certainly is better than just practice. But practice indicates to me that you are still working on it, yet I see no edits or rewrites after a month. After reading your comment that it was written in an hour, I am curious, do you never rewrite or edit your work? My poems are never finished. I am always seeing a word a comma or a phrase I want to change even years later. I am always interested in how poets approach their work.

 

~~Tink

 

ps: You might be interested in challenging yourself with the Playground's 20 Minute Sonnet. I did it and it was fun... although it came out with some total nonsense. Apparently the masters used to challenge each other to write sonnets and other forms in under 15 minutes and had no problem doing it. I read somewhere that Dylan's Villanelle, Do Not Go Gentle was a timed challenge poem written in only a few minutes..

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Frank E Gibbard

Couldn't help seeing the dreaded "it's" here e, enjoyed reading. I have the advantage of getting the cultural references, less the form points made by David and Tink.

Frank

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