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you do not exist on this server


eclipse

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In a dream I watched you fade into Heaven's gates

you do not exist on this server

peering into a window I see you dreaming with class mates.

 

My grief lifts as the chaplain narrates

this your final chapter by death the author

in a dream I watch you fade into Heaven's gates.

 

I must navigate oblivion as deathly protocol dictates

grief bleeds me-life and death are a blur

peering into a window I see you dreaming with class mates.

 

How I shiver as the world inversely rotates

and night and day now do not border

In a dream I watched you fade into Heaven's gates.

 

I have prayed for the dates

when I will exist on your server

peering into a window I see you dreaming with class mates.

 

Earthly skies fade as my soul migrates

I hope the flames of Hell are tender

In a dream I watched you fade into Heaven's gates

peering into a window I see you dreaming with class mates.

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Hi eclipse, This is an interesting piece using a touch of formal framing a little like the Terza Rima with a twist on the interlocking rhyme yet the content is modern with the allusion to the cyber world. I like it.

 

~~Tink

 

Correction as astutely caught by Dave this is a Villanelle not Terza Rima.

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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David W. Parsley

Barry, I like this variation on the villanelle form. (Sorry, Tink, beat you to the punch... ;-) Interesting use of the refraining potentialities. I hope you don't really see yourself dodging into those 'tender' things...

 

- Dave

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LOL, I knew there was another form this emulated that was closer but couldn't grab it from my brain. In fact Dylan Thomas's Do Not Go Gentle. Into That Good Night kept ringing in my brain when I was thinking about the structure. That should have been a clue. Duh! :wub:

 

But the point being the merging of traditional form & the modern content. Good catch Dave . Nice poem Barry.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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"I have prayed for the dates

when I will exist on your server"

 

Those lines and the title must make this THE most unique villanelle ever written. And, ah! Badger11, I absolutely love your universalist theology -- the post above.

 

As Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons would say: "Best. Villanelle. Ever."

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