dansalinger Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 The click and the clack of the clock, cleverly creeps up on the corpse in the coffin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 The click and the clack of the clock, .. cleverly creeps up on the corpse ......... in the coffin. Just a thought to break up that alliteration a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 Hi Danielle, Love the sound but I am with Badge on this, it needs line breaks. The 17 word poem is very close to haiku and elimating a couple of articles would bring the syllable count in line. (just an idea) ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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