Bloodyday Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Yesterday my nightqueen dove in the darkness Buried the world of pain in its purples Nobody to blame losing such a beauty My Socrates lost their rhymes in apathy Poems went insane drowning my life in agony Does anyone know where I find my foe? Tears become invisible under bleeding pains My veranda worships the ghost of sacrifice This is the time my throat droughts in sour Highway sleeps in loneliness - Who cares! Shy runs away from the eyes of passer-by We love to watch the game, not to justify That’s why my mourn sweeps for little angels Goddess likes to comfort in her innocent dreams Is this the passion we possess or isn’t she hypocrite? *** what should i say: women can be easily manipulated and victimized in the world, perhaps in every country. among them, the acid attack is the worst which dismantles their dreams top to bottom and forces to live like jombie! i can't watch their horrible faces, did you ever feel how hard to lead such a life! Perhaps God should know! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Yesterday my nightqueen dove in the darkness Buried the world of pain in its purples Umm....sorry to mention, the first two lines are quite similar all the way with the poem of Mad men---Sumayya. Sorry Sumayya, your fantastic lines couldn't prevent myself! Sorry again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 You use some fantastic, original, and colorful expressions in your verse, Bloodyday. Here are some of the ones I wish I wrote -- Yesterday my nightqueen dive in the darkness Buried the world of pain in its purples ... Poems went insane drowning my life in agony Does anyone know where I find my foe? This is the time my throat droughts in sour ... Highway sleeps in loneliness - Who cares! I don't see a glaring similarity to Summayya's poem "Mad Men," but the curious mention of Socrates in the second stanza does seem to be a distinct nod in its direction. Either way, it has been said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and I would be surprised if Summayya was upset by your compliment. One minor suggestion: perhaps the word dive in L1 could be changed to the past tense dove. I think it would make the poem more powerful. Either way, I like this poem a lot. What inspired you? Was it a recent news story? Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Hi Tony actually there is a resonant condition when two worlds of thoughts think with same elements or same mood. In my case i simply copied! i reside in dhaka and there is same like adjacent to my living place. when i come from the office, most of the time i heard about the scream of the women bitten by her drunk husband. yesterday he went to his limit and i was desperate to bit him not to doing it. but i can't, somehow i became a hypocrite: just to warn him. i don't know my warning couldn't stop him or not. sometimes i read newspaper and saw some news of acid victims which is truly horrified. though the rules of our country are very strict now-a-days, but some incidents of powerful people could not stop this brutal violence. i saw some acid victims and couldn't watch her face for even 1 time. before that she was very beautiful face with the world of dreams. sometimes i can't think about how people turn so brutal! perhaps i couldn't change the world, but if we are united and think positive, we could tame our beast. i always feel the urge and this is my inspiration! thanks for your wise comment! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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