Aleksandra Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 1. An endless glance over the garden's bed of fragrances, with a face of hyacinths. Meadows -> dreams - > sun. Hills - > uphill battles - > thorns in disorder... Crest - > Crown - > Daylight... 2. - Downhill view: a desire for hyacinths, dreams of a bed of fragrances. Crest? - dirt cheap. What without hyacinths??? The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 i like the playfulness attitude of the poem. to love the scent of flowers. ah - such beauty to look at also. your poem in my opinion was playful and also asks the question why can't our beds be made up of flowers with beautiful scents? i enjoyed this. something different from you. this was a poem written in your birth tongue and translated to english correct. vic Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 This is a wonderful poem, Alek. I like how it's split into two numbered parts, with the middle (indented) part functioning like the bridge in a musical composition. And from that very bridge, Thorns in disorder is an image from this journey that sticks in my mind. So compact and so powerful -- this striking poem cries out, "What is it all worth without hyacinths?" I know this is a translation of one of your Macedonian poems. Thank you for also sharing the Macedonian version of the poem, in both Cyrillic and Latin texts, in the WORLD POETRY section of the board. Tonyy Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 i like the playfulness attitude of the poem. to love the scent of flowers. ah - such beauty to look at also. your poem in my opinion was playful and also asks the question why can't our beds be made up of flowers with beautiful scents? i enjoyed this. something different from you. this was a poem written in your birth tongue and translated to english correct. vic My dear Victor, thank you for your lovely words for my poem. This is an old poem of mine. Written long time ago in my mother tongue. Tony reminds me to translate and work on this one in English language, and I did. I am glad if works properly in this language. In this poem, I wanted to show how the road to become somebody or something is hard , and how many sacrifices we should give. I must admit, that this poem was written in a spirit of politics mixed with life. Yes somebody can have the crown and the power, but what for, when you lost a good part from life and you should give up from a lot of beauties. Thank you Victor for your comment, glad you like this one. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 This is a wonderful poem, Alek. I like how it's split into two numbered parts, with the middle (indented) part functioning like the bridge in a musical composition. And from that very bridge, Thorns in disorder is an image from this journey that sticks in my mind. So compact and so powerful -- this striking poem cries out, "What is it all worth without hyacinths?" I know this is a translation of one of your Macedonian poems. Thank you for also sharing the Macedonian version of the poem, in both Cyrillic and Latin texts, in the WORLD POETRY section of the board. Tonyy Dearest Tonyy. Thank you so much for your words. As always I look forward for your words on my poetry. I am pleased that you noticed that this poem have parts connected with that " musical connection - bridge " It should be like a bridge , it is the connection between the natural beauty and unnatural beauty I love how you expressed here: very bridge, Thorns in disorder - All roads for any goal are like that. Glad you like that expression and imagery. "What is it all worth without hyacinths?" - I used the hyacinths, because I love that flower. I have that in my garden, and I used because have wonderful smell, the same as smells the life without worries... And yes thanks for reminding me to translate this poem, and also to post in World section of our board. I am happy that you like how it sounds and looks in Macedonian - origin language. Thanks Tony dear, thank you for your support. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pawn shop Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 The style seems quite new from you.... between one and 2 stanzas....those burst of words.... Pretty flower indeed..... however " dirt cheap"....is kind of a blatant way to finish the poem..... besides that A plus How about choosing another flower !! ( not a rose though...they get all the poems ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 What without a Hyacinth a face without a smile melancholy shatters like cloud moment of love ready for exile ready for the emotions of eyes i never captured in my dumb sense your fragrance reminds the Hyacinth violet with bunch of smiles and happiness what without a Hyacinth in my hand like emptiness reigns in the valley of sand! great poem! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 The style seems quite new from you....between one and 2 stanzas....those burst of words.... Pretty flower indeed..... however " dirt cheap"....is kind of a blatant way to finish the poem..... besides that A plus How about choosing another flower !! ( not a rose though...they get all the poems ) Thanks Jonathan for your comment, and for your ideas. This poem have born right because of that flower, so it wont make sense if I change the flower. And the style - I must say it's not new at all, maybe old but not new, but ok, I translated the poem in English recently, so sounds as new. Thank you my friend. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 Bloodyday wrote: What without a Hyacinth a face without a smile melancholy shatters like cloud moment of love ready for exile ready for the emotions of eyes i never captured in my dumb sense your fragrance reminds the Hyacinth violet with bunch of smiles and happiness what without a Hyacinth in my hand like emptiness reigns in the valley of sand! great poem! Bloodyday wrote: great poem! Which one Bloodyday? Mine or yours ? Thank you for your lovely words build in a poem I am glad you like it. ALeksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Hi Aleksandra, Glad to read this poem. The title made me google... Anyway, as I learned you translated it from your native language(?) to English, how about the form? Did you maintain the same form or did you change the form in the English version? I didn't quite understand the end of V2, "Crest, dirt cheap" until I read your reply regarding politics. But I still think it diverted a little since the impression I got from reading this poem is in praise of the flower. But that's just one person's opinion. Beautiful poem, nonetheless. Lake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 You're trying new forms, Aleksandra. This can only be good. I like your poem and it's non-traditional way of presentation. "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 Hi Aleksandra, Glad to read this poem. The title made me google... Anyway, as I learned you translated it from your native language(?) to English, how about the form? Did you maintain the same form or did you change the form in the English version? I didn't quite understand the end of V2, "Crest, dirt cheap" until I read your reply regarding politics. But I still think it diverted a little since the impression I got from reading this poem is in praise of the flower. But that's just one person's opinion. Beautiful poem, nonetheless. Lake Lake thank you for your nice comment. I am glad to hear all different opinions. Yes, this is translation from my native Macedonian language. And the form is also. That makes me sometimes problems when I want to make some translations, because it is not the same translation of words, and translations of expressions, and with that I am going somehow selfish and stubbornly because I am not listening when I am told that something doesn't makes sense in English language, but I still want to stay like that originally my Macedonian expression in English language. And Tony helps me with those cases a lot and I am giving him a hard time ( Tony forgive me ) About the line "Crest, dirt cheap" I want to show the paradox of the power. And yes it is confusing when you read only the poem without explanation of the writer, but it is a poetry, right? I am leaving the space to the reader to wonder. Thank you for your commenting Lake. It is my pleasure to read your opinion for this poem. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 You're trying new forms, Aleksandra. This can only be good. I like your poem and it's non-traditional way of presentation. Joel, when I read your comment, then I noticed that yes the form is differently here, in the middle part. It wasn't intentionally. The point and subject of this poem made the form itself. It is the same form in original version in Macedonian language as I said before, and that is written many years ago. That shows the periods of life, in long terms. So I wanted that to be tactical and shortly expressed. Glad you like this poem Joel ALeksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 AlekSanDra wrote: Which one Bloodyday? Mine or yours ? Thank you for your lovely words build in a poem I am glad you like it. Oooops!.......it's a question of long time ago, how i can be so overwhelmed to have a wise review! Sorry for that! and i must say mine is nothing in comparison with that of yours. it's highly collaborative and some structures like: Meadows -> dreams - > sun. ..............Hills - > uppers - > thorns in disorder... ..............Crest. - > Crown. - > Daylight... ......,honestly saying, i couldn't catch it. but as long as i understand these are depicting in short description of Hyacinth which makes the poem a deeper lake in comparison with that of river or in a short, a smart expression! i wrote that verses, because some poetic souls (?) stroke my mind and it happens very frequent! so i wrote what i understood from yours or what i thought about when i read. But yours is great, great poem i must utter and i would like to watch that flowers live and want to enjoy the fragnance! RoNy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Hello aleksandra, One can almost smell the heady fragrance of these bloom - their arresting colour and their perfume make them quite a unmissable presence. And yet when they are in such profusion do we perceive them as 'cheap'? Great pictures too! goldenlangur goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 AlekSanDra wrote: Which one Bloodyday? Mine or yours ? Thank you for your lovely words build in a poem I am glad you like it. Oooops!.......it's a question of long time ago, how i can be so overwhelmed to have a wise review! Sorry for that! and i must say mine is nothing in comparison with that of yours. it's highly collaborative and some structures like: Meadows -> dreams - > sun. ..............Hills - > uppers - > thorns in disorder... ..............Crest. - > Crown. - > Daylight... ......,honestly saying, i couldn't catch it. but as long as i understand these are depicting in short description of Hyacinth which makes the poem a deeper lake in comparison with that of river or in a short, a smart expression! i wrote that verses, because some poetic souls (?) stroke my mind and it happens very frequent! so i wrote what i understood from yours or what i thought about when i read. But yours is great, great poem i must utter and i would like to watch that flowers live and want to enjoy the fragnance! RoNy RoNy, thank you so much for coming back here. And I am thankful for your poem which is not bad at all. I love the poem what you wrote. And also I am happy that my poem inspired you and made you to go deeper and provoked some feelings in you. Thanks my friend Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 Hello aleksandra, One can almost smell the heady fragrance of these bloom - their arresting colour and their perfume make them quite a unmissable presence. And yet when they are in such profusion do we perceive them as 'cheap'? Great pictures too! goldenlangur Goldenlangur thank you so much for your lovely comment. About your question, I think no any flower should perceived as a cheap , only depends how the person watch on them. Thank you for the comment. I like how you are thinking. Interesting. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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