rhymeguy Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 The hot winds of anger blow across the frigid landscape. Leaving only a desert where flowers once grew. Gone are the mighty oaks. Gone are the gentle lilies. Gone, the song birds and the soaring eagles. Deserted oasis; poisoned waters; parched bones of the errant nomads. Shimmers of promise, mirages of hope, proven elusive on the arid horizon. Travelers beware. Drink not too deeply. What seems sweet to the tongue may sour in the belly. I need to work on a few things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 rhymeguy, I was just reading about the analyst opinions on Brexit. Then, I read your poem. Maybe it was just a coincidence but the tone and imagery of the poem made me reflect on Brexit :-) The piece buiild-up the imagery following a cause-effect formula and I liked it. This is just my opinion, I feel the second stanza would have been as strong even without the repeat of 'Gone'. Just my opinion. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhymeguy Posted June 26, 2016 Author Share Posted June 26, 2016 Thanks Joel, I wrote this poem about 10 years ago in response to a specific situation. Isn't it sad that the battles continue over the years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abstrect-christ Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Clarity of emotion, and symbolism telling a vignette of a story. I like it. Quote Pinhead "Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh." Joey "I don't believe you." Pinhead "Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart." "There's a starving beast inside my chestplaying with me until he's boredThen, slowly burying his tusks in my fleshcrawling his way out he rips open old woundsWhen I reach for the knife placed on the bedside tableits blade reflects my determined faceto plant it in my chestand carve a hole so deep it snaps my veinsHollow me out, I want to feel empty"-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreakerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8 "Sky turns to a deeper grey the sun fades by the moon hell's come from the distant hills tortures dreams of the doomed and they pray, yet they prey and they pray, still they prey"-- "Still They Prey" by Coughhttps://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhymeguy Posted June 28, 2016 Author Share Posted June 28, 2016 Thank you abstract Christ I always appreciate your thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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