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Another Spring is on you! My heart cries.

High in the trees the first woodpecker drives

And clacks of jousting stags fill out the morn;

While passive does suspect my single form.

I stand stock-still-- and watch them, silently;

For there is no where else I have to be.

And wonder, can they sense my loneliness,

As through the gentle clouds I see your face.

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Just as I resolve to spend more time here in the forums, a submission like this serves to reinforce that which I already know. Namely, that PMO's membership submits compositions of the highest caliber.

This one is tight. The impeccable meter and near-rhymes in the couplets present with such subtlety that after reading the poem I actually had to take a look back at why the poem was so fluid. I read somewhere how the language in a poem by one of my favorite poets is "slightly removed form everyday usage." I would characterize the language in lines 3 & 4 as "ever so slightly removed from everyday usage," nuanced by the plain expression of lines 5 & 6 with their unexpected, yet natural silently/to be line endings.

I had to look up Pareidolia. When I think back to Dave Parsley's recent mention of a footprint on the moon -- an actual footprint, that is -- the image of the face on Mars and the face in the clouds from your poem become even more pronounced thereby making it harder, even less desirable to separate the logical from the abstract. Detecting a bit of kismet in this bigger picture, the concept for me becomes like the "echo chamber": I want it to be a face in the clouds so it must be, it will be, it is.

This is the type of work I aspire to. Thank you for sharing it.


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Thank you Tony-- your presence and input here is much appreciated.

I find it poetically fascinating how the senses work in conjunction with the imagination. Most will have never heard of the word – but all will be familiar with imagery in the embers of a fire: cloud formations, and more famously, faces on the Moon and Mars, or even religious depictions in day to day objects. Perceptions of things that are perhaps uniquely and psychologically relevant to each of us. Kindest regards, Geoff

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  • 1 month later...

"suspect my single form"

Beautiful. And now I learned something about pareidolia.  :)

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Hey Geoff,  I thought I had responded to this a long time ago but the title stayed bold on my screen so I decided to revisit your poem.   My earlier response must have gotten interrupted.   Actually, this is a beautiful poem worth the revisit.  Tony is right the fluid rhythm, the crystal clear images, the language all make this a poem that touches the heart.  A poem that I feel rather than read as if I can breath it in. 


~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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  • 2 months later...
David W. Parsley

Hi Geoff, my favorite part is:

On ‎3‎/‎13‎/‎2017 at 3:05 AM, Benjamin said:

And clacks of jousting stags fill out the morn;

When I first read it, I wasn't sure of the anachronistic "morn", but have decided it is actually a nice touch, as long no others come along.  I confess that "whilst" is one anachronism too many for this reader, especially in conjunction with the inversion to follow.  As a fan, I would request a refining of this fourth line.

Pareidolia: a new word for me, too.  A terrific find, very relevant to this poem and likely to inspire more on the forum.  Thanks! 

One more suggestion: how about a different adjective than the unspecific "gentle" in the last line, and something to prepare the arrival of "you" (perhaps an expansion of the title?).

Thank you,

 - Dave

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Michael Burton

Like Dave, I have to say line 3 was my favorite part. It was a feast of sound, from the onomatopoeic "clacks" to the repetition ("l" in "clacks" and "fill" and "st" in "jousting" and "stags"). It's the kind of line I hope to write ;-)


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  • 1 month later...
Terry L shuff

I long for the ability to write , and express my love for Nature,and all creation really, .   As you do !        Terry

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Thanks Dave for your much appreciated and detailed review which I will act upon. My apologies for the belated reply. "Life is what happens to you when...etc."  :unsure:

Michael. Thanks for leaving comment.. The way that sibilance and assonance etc. blend with consonants becomes icing on the cake when composing verse... English is such a wonderful language.

Terry. A lifetimes love of literature and music has much to answer for.  :smile:

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  • 2 weeks later...

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