Tinker Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 By the Hunter's Moon Country concert, folks having fun. Warm Vegas night under the stars, the music played for everyone, straw hats and boots, led by guitars. Joining of friends to celebrate. Three days they played, too soon, goodbye, cherished the time. Now we all debate, Why? First was heard a pop popping sound, soon bodies dropping, screams, a shout. Rapid fire bullets abound, people running round and about crowds crouched while bullets skipped off dirt, panic, chaos, fifty eight die. When done, tears, pain, hundreds more hurt. Why? ~~Judi Van Gorder A Canzonetta Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 There will be a day of reckoning for evil to be punished. There will be a time of everlasting love and peace for those who believe in HIM; our Saviour. During that time of reckoning... Satan...who controls the weak, and those who follow him causing these acts of horror, will know a punishment they could never dream of. Today there is a battle of GOOD and EVil going on. We do have the opportunity to change many things, but man with his weak wisdom, is enjoying too many of the plentiful things that abound in our lives, that are beginning to control us, rather that we control them. It is difficult to think it can happen, but our greatness in what we term progress, will eventually overcome us all. Dabbler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted October 6, 2017 Author Share Posted October 6, 2017 Yes Yarn Spinner, Evil is alive and well. Thanks for reading my poem. Sorry subject is still too fresh. Fodder for writing Verse Form examples. I'm like the news shows on TV repeating and repeating. Route 91 Harvest Festival Three day venue of fun, down home western music blares from concert stage where three thousand gather to listen to country stars. Finale just begun. Popping sounds intervene rapid sound from a gun Fans crouched in the darkness bullets skipped off the ground, ricocheted into the crowd. Chaos, panic and pain, hundreds running, wounded. Fifty eight dead tonight. High up across the way, coward leaves no insight. ~~Judi Van Gorder A L'Arora Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 TInker, I know this poem is still in progress. I am trying to read your thoughts, to figure out between the versions, the choice of diction, the imagery being described. The heart of your poem actually starts from the second stanza. Maybe your mind is not yet set how you want to tell the story whether as an emotion-less observer or like someone-in-the-midst of things. In other words, the point of view or persona. If I may suggest, you may want to play on the sound of the loud speakers, popping country tunes, human body animation, versus the second popping heard, human body animation (falling), and zoom in with one scene and re-create surprise or shock if the persona is I-am-here POV. Just some thoughts to figure out how you want to say your piece. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted October 11, 2017 Author Share Posted October 11, 2017 Thanks Joel, you are right on the point of view. I like your suggestions about focusing on the sounds. I will continue to play with this. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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