Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

Next Mom


JoelJosol

Recommended Posts

She says she is in the city

whose streets are valleys of honking,

between buildings of glass and steel,

to work there long hours.

 

How long has she been out? I can tell

by counting the stars popping out

in my sky and the number of buses

dropping other kid's mom.

 

I waited for those hours to run out

and for the next bus to open its door.

I am sure my turn will be next,

to welcome my mom, again.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

Link to post
Share on other sites

I like how this doesn't finish off our curiosity- we don't get to know when she arrived home- we are just left with the image of her being someplace between the noisy and draining energy of a city, and the impending darkness - as we look up into the sky too, and start to count our waiting-stars

 

the buses, one by one- bring the city with them too, the doors opening and closing on a world that is somehow "there" and not our world, where with mom here, would be peaceful again...

 

great title to go with this!

Link to post
Share on other sites
goldenlangur

Hello JoelJosol,

 

 

Some great images, particularly love this:

 

streets are valleys of honking,

 

How poignant the young child's wait for his mother as he counts the hours. One imagines that the mother leaves her child behind as she heads to the city to work

long hours

.

 

This is so laden with the child's longing:

 

I waited for those hours to run out

and for the next bus to open its door.

I am sure my turn will be next,

to welcome my mom, again.

 

 

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Aleksandra

Wonderful expressed poem. It gives an imagery of one child who awaits his mom, but not from work - my opinion. The child maybe only thinks that, but maybe his mom left him and went far away - forever?! If that is the case, the metaphor works so well, which I love it.

 

Thank you Joel for wonderful read.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

She says she is in the city indicates that there are credibility issues with the mother's statement, and it seems she is inexplicably absent. Nevertheless, the child holds on to some degree of hope, even though he's not even sure how long she's been gone. The third verse seems to present the possibility that the narrator is not a child at all. The title is quite original and catches the attention.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to post
Share on other sites
Larsen M. Callirhoe

hi joel i think i agree with aleksandra on this one. the child left waiting is a good way to end the poem. we will never know if the mom got there or not. it makes me think a lot which i like and i enjoyed this adventure immensely.

 

victor aka larsen

Larsen M. Callirhoe

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.