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The gypsy summer lingered till
a rawness from the lightless rim
descended as a welcome chill
upon the spawn of Nephilim;
its generations reveled when
the witch became a broody hen.

With all creation gone awry,
it's much too late to wax contrite;
hammer and anvil in the eye --
crack! crack! crack! in the lower light;
with no more Reason to remark,
behold: the stove is cold and dark.

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I found it hard to decode this one with your key ideas - summer, rim, hen - with the stove :-)

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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goldenlangur

Hi Tony,

 

Another wonderful work, this poem, replete as it is with mythical references to 'creation' and the descendants of the god and humans, the Nephilim. Although rich in the myths of creations, your mention of Romania suggests that the 'generations' and history of this particular country, holds a special charge. One gets a sense of sifting through history, memory and myths to get to a sense of the self.

 

 

Marvellous sonority in the way the lines flow and the echoing effects of the rhymes:

 

till, chill, Nephilim, rim, when, hen,awry, eye, contrite, light, remark.dark

 

 

Some memorable imageries:

 

gypsy summer, lightless rim.

 

 

 

A truly great write.

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Interesting Tony,

 

a traditional poem, which paints with broad swaths a Gothic image, that is keyed to our myths about Romania... I loved the concluding line, while scratching my head as to the meaning of the whole, and yet as I re-read, it seemed to become crystal clear, a montage of consensus knowing built on cultural beliefs: Witches make the stove go out, in the season of witches, one must enthusiastically counter their work, the season is clear, seen and felt in your description...

 

Fascinating, and fun;-)

 

DC

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

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Thanks for the read, Joel.

JoelJosol wrote:

 

I found it hard to decode this one with your key ideas - summer, rim, hen - with the stove :-)

Sorry for the obscurity. icon_redface.gif

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Thanks, Golden, for mentioning the poem's sonority in your kind reply. I was trying to write in iambic tetrameter, but I'm afraid the first four lines might have ended up a little clumsy. Even so, I'm glad the alliteration and rhyme came across all right.

 

goldenlangur wrote:

 

Although rich in the myths of creations, your mention of Romania suggests that the 'generations' and history of this particular country, holds a special charge.

I was hoping to convey something along those lines. I don't know much about the country, but I read a little about it and found it fascinating. Again, thank you ...

 

Tony

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Thank you, Dr. Con, for your close read and for this:

 

dr_con wrote:

 

I loved the concluding line, while scratching my head as to the meaning of the whole, and yet as I re-read, it seemed to become crystal clear ...

I realize there's some obscurity built into this one, but it was primarily a mood, along the lines you mentioned, that I was trying to convey. I also appreciate your keen between-the-lines detection of the myth versus reality nuances. In that spirit, I'll share a link to an online image I sometimes use as my desktop background which partially inspired the poem. The image is actually not from Romania, rather it's from Ukraine.

 

Tony

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goldenlangur

A pleasure, Tony. Inspirational sonority!: icon_smile.gif Me thinks you're too modest about what you've accomplished in this poem:

 

tonyv wrote:

 

Thanks, Golden, for mentioning the poem's sonority in your kind reply.

 

Tony

 

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Aleksandra

Here I am Tony - finally :icon_cool: . Really, I am so sorry for taking forever while I comment here.

I needed time to understand this poem, like few of yours, you don't stop to surprise me, how you come to write those poems, and after all, how you make the titles. I am impressed a lot from your work. It's a pleasure to read your work.

 

I can't believe that there is some " easier "way icon_smile.gif to express the changing of the feelings from one long, good time - what I see in the gypsy summer to bad / evil time, when the posterity of the Nephilim are in charge:

 

The gypsy summer lingered till

a rawness from the lightless rim

descended as a welcome chill

upon the spawn of Nephilim;

 

...and there become more witches / more evil - is that what I understood in the expression - the witch became a broody hen.

 

In the second part of the poem I see the results from the evil - what is done.

And it says to me: " is done what is done - no way back ". And all of that because many generations are ruined, poisoned by someones mistake and evil. And they are just following someones paths and steps, because they don't know any other way.

 

With all creation gone awry,

it's much too late to wax contrite;

 

This part:

hammer and anvil in the eye --

crack! crack! crack! in the lower light;

 

somehow sounds to me as the voice of humanity , the voice of the victims, the voice of those who are able to read unwritten words and who can see the grayness in this world - which is too hurtful to stay in peace.

 

I like how you wrote the word Reason with capital R. It shows that is very important that there is no more reason - because all is done and life goes on. The people live the only life they know. This raises the question, "Why remark at all anymore? - The evil went so far... "

 

with no more Reason to remark,

 

The last line is amazing and wonderful expression. Is so deep and meaningful as the rest of the expression, but this one I love on special way - it's somehow closer to me. That expression gives sad feeling, and doesn't gives a hope, because the stove is supposed to be light and warm, to heat and prepare...but here at the end of your poem, the stove stays " empty "

 

behold: the stove is cold and dark

 

Tony, I loved this poem. Your metaphors works so well, and all expressions I can use as a window from where the world can be seen.

 

Excellent poem

 

Aleksandra

 

 

 

PS: I hope you are satisfied now Tony icon_razz.gif - I did even without all help what I asked for icon_mad.gificon_biggrin.png

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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A pleasure, Tony. Inspirational sonority!: icon_smile.gif Me thinks you're too modest about what you've accomplished in this poem:

 

tonyv wrote:

 

Thanks,
Golden
, for mentioning the poem's sonority in your kind reply.

 

Tony

 

 

 

goldenlangur

 

icon_biggrin.png

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Alek, thank you for your careful read. (Finally! icon_razz.gif ) And yes, once you understood some of the words, you grasped the poem so well, all by yourself, as I was expecting. icon_smile.gif

 

You brought to the table a few observations for which I am grateful. I like how you picked up on the concept of transformation in a few different parts, here:

Aleksandra wrote:

 

I can't believe that there is some 'easier'way icon_smile.gif to express the changing of the feelings from one long, good time - what I see in the gypsy summer to bad / evil time, when the posterity of the Nephilim are in charge ...

and here:

Aleksandra wrote:

 

In the second part of the poem I see the results from the evil - what is done.

And it says to me: 'is done what is done - no way back.'

Then you say something I had not considered, and it suggests a special brand of hopelessness:

Aleksandra wrote:

 

The people live the only life they know. This raises the question, 'Why remark at all anymore? - The evil went so far... '

I also appreciate how you sum up the last line:

The last line is amazing and wonderful expression. Is so deep and meaningful as the rest of the expression, but this one I love on special way - it's somehow closer to me. That expression gives sad feeling, and doesn't gives a hope, because the stove is supposed to be light and warm, to heat and prepare...but here at the end of your poem, the stove stays 'empty'

Thank you!

 

Tony icon_smile.gif

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Tony ,

 

I too find this hard to grasp. Maybe that's because I don't have the knowledge of the myths and history of Romania. But I do like the rhythms and rhymes in this piece. And the last line "behold: the stove is cold and dark" sounds very engaging. Usually when the stove is hot and bright, it means something is being made, created; when the stove cools down, it is either something has been successfully created or something has gone wrong.

 

Sorry, I might be way off.

 

Lake

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Thanks, Lake, especially for this:

 

Lake wrote:

 

But I do like the rhythms and rhymes in this piece. And the last line "behold: the stove is cold and dark" sounds very engaging. Usually when the stove is hot and bright, it means something is being made, created; when the stove cools down, it is either something has been successfully created or something has gone wrong.

 

Sorry, I might be way off.

As for this,

 

Lake wrote:

 

I too find this hard to grasp. Maybe that's because I don't have the knowledge of the myths and history of Romania

... neither do I. Your reading is in no way off. I made 99% of this up.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Thank you both, Rumisong and Lake. icon_queen.png

 

Rumisong, in "Dry mouth, wet heart,"

tonyv wrote:

 

Oh, and by the way, thank you very much for your sentences that make no sense topic. It encouraged me to write my latest poem ...

This is the poem to which I was referring. So, thank you again.

 

Tony icon_cheers.png

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your gypsy summer follows

my lonely winter

trees stand with shy

their leaves fly like feather!

 

my lovely pavement

still embraces the chill

my sleeps seldom comes

alas! i forget to pay my current bill icon_tongue.png

 

 

Superb stanzas make this poem so solid so please ignore my naughty words~

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