goldenlangur Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 sound of feet on the new snow just on my own tracing the old path this anniversary goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 what anniversary GL? inquiring minds want to know lol. nice tanka i think. im not good with the syllable count. yes it is snowing outside lightly right now. have a nice day my friend. vic Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Well done Golden! You are converting me to a form- The concise nature of the communication continues to astound me in your skilled hands. Many Thanks! DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Hi Golden, The mood in your poem is well captured. The feeling of isolation, detachment, poignancy is very strong. "just on my own" links the first part and second part well. Thanks for the read. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Nice projection of loneliness with the snow. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Hi vic, DC, Lake and JoelJosol, I'm delighted by your warm, encouraging review of this tanka. vic - I was hoping that you as a reader would interpret the anniversary on a personal note. Not to worry about the syllable count rule, I'm hopeless with it. DC - so glad that the compactness of the tanka form appeals to you. How generous your commendation. Lake - It's wonderful that you honed into the pivot line. Must admit that it does not always work in my tanka attempts. JoelJosol - the expanse of a snow covered landscape certainly enhances how small one is. A big thank you. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Wonderful poem Goldenlangur. Clear imagery but meaningful much more than just an imagery. The last two lines gives a space to the reader. The third line I can't connect very well and feel where is belong to, the clear wonderful imagery in the first lines or in the last two :). I loved this tanka. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Golden, from the quiet reflection -- just on my own -- I conclude that the moment is one of sadness, perhaps the anniversary of a loved one's passing. Tracing the old path could mean that the path was one which the narrator followed with another, or, that numerous years have passed ... or both. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Hello Aleksandra, Thank you for your considered response to this tanka. You could be right that the third line does pivot well here. It should connect to both halves of the tanka. I'm so grateful that the last lines opened up the piece for you. Many thanks for reading this and posting your thoughts. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Hi Tony, Your reading of possible scenarios in this piece is gratifying. That is what a tanka should do - give the reader the space to read possible interpretations. I appreciate that the line just on my own, conveys to you the sense of absence of some one dear. Thank you for a sensitive reading. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I got an image evoked by this Golden of the carol's gatherer of winter fuel, it's a unique perspective, a bit weird I grant. But it summoned forth a picture of a wilderness dotted by a distant trudging figure. Has one thining, which is the name of the game. Sorry I comment little then make no sort of sense. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 for any kind of anniversary, i would like to join! lot's of eats and chicks, i would toss my coin! but your lines truly speak like the sound of feet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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