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I Could


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JoelJosol

I miss you mom whenever I am happy.
Whenever I ran to your warm embrace,
and waste your time with a crazy story.

I miss you whenever I am sad or lonely,
recalling times I rested my head
on your slim shoulders.

I miss you mom whenever I feel returning
all the love you gave and shared.
You always knew I would.

I miss you mom whenever I felt like saying
"thank you" for standing up beside me,
for the choices I made

that differed from yours, made you sigh,
and broke your heart. You know I would
but you left before I could.

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"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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A. Baez

What a nice tribute for Mother's Day!

I was unsure of a few points:

L2--why you said "did run" instead of just "ran"

L3--what were your "crazy lines"--I can imagine, but I crave something specific here. In absence of it, I found myself stopping a moment to figure out that you must mean spoken lines, not literal ones.

Ls 7 and 10--why you say "felt" instead of "feel," the latter of which would go with the present tense of "miss" and follow the pattern of the first two stanzas

Throughout, "mom" should be capitalized, because you're using it here as a proper noun.

However, this stanza was still especially touching:

Quote

I miss you mom whenever I felt returning
all the love you gave and shared.
You always knew I would.

One can imagine that love returning from other people to her, or that love from her to you, returning in your own heart, or maybe both or even something else. The ambiguity is kind of nice.

Quote

'thank you' for standing up beside me,

Technical note--the quotes here should be double.

Quote

 

I miss you mom whenever I felt like saying
'thank you' for standing up beside me,
for the choices I made

that differed from yours, made you sigh,
and broke your heart. You know I would
but you left before I could.

 

This is dramatic and profound! How wonderful to have a mom who stands beside her child even when he breaks from her will--and wow, even when he breaks her heart! Her death, too early, ends this poem on a startling note, more powerful for the ending rhyme.

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dcmarti1

The end rhyme is powerful.

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JoelJosol

Hi A. Baez, thank you for both the technical catch. I will revise the piece to reflect the improvements and corrections.

Hi dcmarti1, thanks for catching the end rhyme.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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